Jonas Brothers: Blow no evil

Newport, NJ -- A bouncer formerly employed by the Jonas Brothers has admitted that he regularly performed oral sex on the three brothers whenever their libidos went into overdrive.

Jeremy Santos, 29, came forward with the revelation after his contract was terminated by the Disney-powered musical outfit for undisclosed reasons.

"Blowing the Brothers wasn't originally part of my job but I did it anyway," said Santos. "I'm not gay or anything, but I thought I was doing pretty good. Now, the economy is in the toilet and I don't have a job."

"Joe's the hardest one to do because he's so hung," said Santos. "And it takes him forever to get there."

Santos said the idea of taking care of the Jonas brothers' sexual needs came from their pastor-father, Kevin Jonas Sr., who is intent on keeping his sons "pure and free" of the filth of sexual intercourse until they're married.

"Mr. Jonas Sr. came to me one day and asked if I could be his sons' virginity enforcer," said Santos. "When he told me what he meant by that, I was shocked and said no at first, but, my daughter loves them to death so I caved and said yes."

According to Santos, Jonas Sr. ordered him to "orally relieve the Jonas Brothers of their evil white fluids every time the Devil paid them a visit." He would know when to do it by means of a simple text message that said "Santa is coming."

Santos said it was awkward at first to administer fellatio to the Jonas Brothers but he was "a quick study."

"Joe's the hardest one to do because he's so hung," said Santos. "And it takes him forever to get there."

The father of two said he's had to go to see the doctor twice to get his jaw readjusted after administering several rounds of intense fellatio on Joe Jonas.

"That boy is insatiable," said Santos. "Now I understand why Taylor Swift dumped him."

When asked why he's come forward with such a shocking revelation, Santos said: "Listen, I don't want no trouble. I just want my old job back. I mean, if I wasn't doing it the way they wanted, I could learn new tricks."

The Jonas Brothers have declined to provide a statement on the matter.