‘Pariah’ wins Morrissey convention top prize

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Tags : conventions, fans, Morrissey, pariahs

‘Pariah’ wins Morrissey convention top prize

Published on March 20, 2009 ⋅ Written by Andrew Koch ⋅ Email this article ⋅ Print this post ⋅ Post a comment

True to all that is Morrissey

Hoosick, New York -- Thousands of Morrissey devotees are up in arms following the conclusion of a fan convention which saw an unpopular attendee walk away with the annual event's top prize.

Hollywood, California native and rumoured Mariah Carey fan Bristina Saucelace, 19, won the much-coveted top prize of the 2009 Morrissey Fans United convention held in Rensselaer County, New York. Saucelace was awarded an all-access backstage pass and front row seats to all of Morrissey's remaining North American tour stops after winning the Best Fictional Morrissey Album Title, Tracklist and Cover contest.

Saucelace's entry, titled "A Dead Rose At Leicester Square," was personally chosen by Morrissey himself from hundreds of entries, some of which were submitted by longtime fans born before the 70s.

In a press release, the event's organizers describe the winning entry as "being true to all that is Morrissey." The cover features a dead yellow rose held by a nondescript hand against a grey background. The tracklist includes such made-up ditties as "Nothing You Don't Already Know," "The Salad Is Bad," "Dance For Me, Straight Boy," "Lousy Kiss" and "I Just Want A Drink."

"The moment we saw it, there was no doubt in our minds that it was the winner," said Petula Morphine, the convention's Public Relations & Communications Director. "It made you wonder what it was about and whether or not Morrissey was gay."

Other Morrissey fans were less enthused.

"How dare she. To walk in here with her cheap hair extensions and a half-baked creation which she probably hacked together at the last minute," said Simon Appleton, 47. "How dare she indeed."

Appleton is one of thousands of fans who have taken to the Internet to voice their displeasure and disenchantment with the results of the contest which was supposed to culminate the convention at a high note and bring Morrissey fans closer together.

"She's a pariah. I doubt she even knows the words to 'November Spawned A Monster' without Googling them, and I heard somewhere that she has Mariah Carey's E=MC2 on repeat on her iPod. Like, eww," said Dennis Mumford, another disgruntled Morrissey fan who spent months crafting his own entry to the contest.

"It's all bollocks, for someone like her to come out winning this thing," said Mumford. "I'm absolutely sickened."

In accepting her prize during the event's closing ceremony, Saucelace thanked Morrissey for providing her with endless inspiration and being "tres cool," but mispronounced the name of the English county in which he was born, causing the audience to gasp in unison.

In Saucelace's defense, Morphine implored everyone to "remain open-minded and remember the tenets of Morrissey's songs."

"Morrissey does not preach persecution," said Morphine. "Rather, he preaches tolerance, and acceptance, and being kind to one another. Let's all remember that."

The former Smiths lead singer is currently on tour promoting his ninth solo LP, "Years Of Refusal," which was released in February to critical acclaim.