Categorized | Crime

Tom Cruise sues pants off homeless man

Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise: I'm so happy!

North Las Vegas, NV -- A homeless man in the Clark County area has been rendered pantless after Hollywood superstar Tom Cruise successfully sued him for slander and defamation of character.

In a landmark ruling, the North Las Vegas Supreme Court found Roderick Gillis, 54, guilty of slandering the Top Gun star for sleeping in a cardboard box which had graffiti on it that said "Tom, UR so gay!".

In his brief opening statement, Cruise's lawyer, Haskell Watkins said: "My client is one of the most famous people in the world, if not the most famous. Any use of his name, be it first or last, in any negative tone whatsoever is libelous and must not be tolerated."

The trial, which only lasted for two hours, heard testimony from a number of people, including Cruise's publicist Paul Bloch and Rainman co-star Dustin Hoffman, who echoed the prosecution team's argument.

"When I see or hear the name Tom, all I could think of is Tom Cruise," said Hoffman. "The message on the defendant's shelter is most definitely malicious in my opinion."

The lawsuit originally sought damages of up to $15 million USD, but Judge Hilda Gomez called for leniency and reduced them to the pair of pants Gillis was wearing in court. She also ordered his cardboard shelter to be destroyed immediately.

"I hope this teaches you a lesson, Mr. Gillis. We are all responsible for our actions. You can't just say or do anything you want in our civilized society," Gomez told the defendant shortly after he was de-panted.

Cruise wasn't present during the court proceedings but Bloch said he is "extremely pleased" with the outcome. When asked what the movie star would do with a homeless man's pants, he said: "He'll probably have them cleaned and de-loused and give them to one of his gardeners for Narconon Day. But none of that is important. What's important is that justice prevailed."

The defendant's lawyer, Jericho Martinez, was nonplused and felt sorry for his client. "My heart goes out to him," he said. "We tried our best, but it's just hard to go up against someone like Mr. Cruise, and with their bullet-proof argument."

"What am I supposed to do now? That was my last good pair," said Gillis after the court was adjourned. The former postal worker said he has no plans to appeal the decision and "will probably move to Florida" in the summer.

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One Response to “Tom Cruise sues pants off homeless man”

  1. Hollard says:

    tom cruise can take my pants off any day.

    him and val kilmer at the same time looking as they did circa top gun? even better!

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