One flew over lower Manhattan
Washington, DC -- US President Barack Obama today ordered the creation of a special White House office that would plan, execute and manage photo ops digitally using popular image editing software Adobe Photoshop.
Press Secretary Robert Gibbs said the White House Strategic Office for Photoshopped Photo Ops (WhiHSOFPPO) will “ensure that all photo opportunities which can be Photoshopped will be Photoshopped.” Gibbs will function temporarily as head of the new office until a suitable candidate has been found.
“Not only does this move demonstrate President Obama’s 100% commitment to safety and technology,” Gibbs stressed. “But this will also encourage creativity, innovation, and frugality in the Obama White House”.
The WhiHSOFPPO (pronounced wee soft pow) is the culmination of sweeping changes in White House policy brought about by the embarrassing Air Force One photo op blunder which recently caused widespread panic in downtown Manhattan, New York.
The monstrous blue and white Boeing 747, escorted by two F-16 jets, circled lower Manhattan so photographers could take pictures of it with the Statue of Liberty in the background. The spectacle brought back memories of 9/11 and sent thousands fleeing for cover, and in some cases, to spontaneous defecation.
“What was I supposed to think?” said outraged Texas tourist Jim Pickle while showing reporters his soiled underpants. “I’m standing in the Statue of Liberty and there’s this plane with socialist Obama headed right towards us!”
Others on Pickle's tour had similar reactions and were rethinking the rest of their New York holiday.
Capitol Hill Republicans have attacked the photo op on financial grounds, estimating that the government needlessly wasted $329,000 on the flight. “The Bush White House was able to create much more fear for a much lower cost,” argued Arizona Senator John McCain.
The White House has since clarified that President Obama himself was not on the flight, and offered profuse apologies to consternated citizens.
Secretary Gibbs assured Americans that the error in judgment will not happen again with the WhiHSOFPPO taking charge.
“We are taking this matter very seriously,” Gibbs said to the White House press corps before displaying samples of photographic work the new executive arm had already produced – glossy photos of President Obama witnessing the signing of the Declaration of Independence and another of him saving America from what looks to be a giant sea monster.
“Just have a look at these and tell me they’re not real. I bet you can’t tell the difference,” he added.
