Grand Chief: Butt plugs don't offend us

Winnipeg, MB -- Less than a week after the Conservative Canadian government insensitively shipped them body bags to prepare for the oncoming swine flu pandemic, aboriginal communities in Manitoba found themselves at a loss for words yet again after receiving a crate of silicone butt plugs.

The sex toys from Taiwan were supposed to have been routed to Vermont but somehow ended up in a routine shipment of supplies intended for a cluster of northern First Nations reserves.

Chief David McDougall, of St. Theresa Point First Nation, said he was the first to spot the unusual delivery and immediately called Grand Chief David Harper, thinking the Canadian government was at it again.

"You know, after the body bags thing, I thought they were insulting us again," said McDougall. "I mean, what are we supposed to do with these butt plugs?"

"It tends to get lonely out here in winter," said Redbird. "Those butt plugs would have helped me out a lot."

McDougall wanted the Grand Chief to "tear them (the government) a new one over this latest dishonour," but cooler heads prevailed before anything got blown out of proportion.

"It is my understanding that the butt plugs were not intended for our communities in the first place. As such, we do not take offense," said Grand Chief Harper. "We are, however, still holding a grudge over the body bags until we get an official apology and heads roll in the Health Department."

The erroneous shipment of the butt plugs has been traced to a local hauling company. The routing error has already been fixed, and the butt plugs are on their way to their intended destination.

While most community members were relieved that the sex toys were sent to them by mistake, some, like Joyful Redbird of Swan Lake Ojibway First Nation, expressed disappointment.

"It tends to get lonely out here in winter," said Redbird. "Those butt plugs would have helped me out a lot."