Pakistani police look at what's left of Jalan
Karachi, Pakistan -- An explosion in Pakistan's once-thriving goat beer distillery district is believed to have been caused by a clumsy Taliban suicide bomber who is "not all there."
According to Karachi police chief Waseem Ahmed, there is ample evidence corroborated by intelligence reports that Taliban sympathizer Aamir Jalan was on his way to downtown Karachi on a suicide bombing mission but accidentally set off his explosives just north of the country's bustling financial capital.
"Thankfully, the goat beer industry died out many years ago. As a result, the area in which the bomb exploded is abandoned and uninhabited," said Ahmed. "The only casualty is in fact Jalan himself."
Jalan was widely known by police as the red-haired Taliban-sympathizing vagrant living in Karachi, but he wasn't taken seriously because of what Ahmed described as a "mental condition."
"He was basically a village idiot that everyone liked to make fun of. He wasn't all there," said Ahmed. "He always talked about how he was going to blow up the capitol, but people always laughed him off because he was typically without pants."
Police aren't sure how and when Jalan got hold of the explosives, but Ahmed said they are stepping up efforts to keep vagrants on surveillance in order to prevent similar situations from happening in the future.
"It's cowardly for the Taliban to use such a person for their murderous goals," said Ahmed. "But at the end of the day, we thank Allah for Jalan's clumsiness. Otherwise, there would be more body parts around me."
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