Ghirardelli: Not gaga at all
West Hollywood, CA -- Much to the shock and dismay of his friends and the immediate gay community, West Hollywood, California resident and proud homosexual Luca Ghirardelli has revealed that he is unable to appreciate the gay-geared musical and fashion stylings of Lady GaGa.
"I don't know. There's just something so fake and plastic about her, which is strange, because, like, I totally adore Britney and Beyonce," Ghirardelli said before bursting into classy, subdued gay chuckles.
The 22-year-old upscale fashion retail worker added that his inexplicable dislike of the "Poker Face" singer may also be due to the fact that she eerily reminds him of a particularly unlikeable uncle. "I swear to God, she looks just like my Uncle Vito, who is a nasty, dog-faced, insufferable bastard. I hate him," Ghirardelli said.
Ghirardelli said he did give Lady GaGa a shot for the sake of a two-week-old relationship with "a somewhat special boy."
"I thought I was in love with this boy, so I said to myself, 'Fine, I'll give her a shot,'" said Ghirardelli. "So I listened to the Fame Monster nonstop for like two days, and at the end of it, I was underwhelmed. She's just so overrated. Like, totally. Needless to say, I never called the boy again."
When his close friends intimated that his Lady GaGa hatred might be a symptom of self-directed, internalized homophobia, Ghirardelli vehemently protested, "I'm proud of my sexuality. I just can't stand the heffa."
With Lady GaGa being ubiquitous in gay dance clubs everywhere, Ghirardelli has been finding it hard to have a fun night out without it being sullied by repeated spins of "Bad Romance," "Poker Face," "Lovegame" and "Just Dance."
"I'd get my groove going with some fierce Britney or Beyonce mix, and then suddenly I'd hear the annoying twat's song," said Ghirardelli. "Makes me wanna slap a bitch, I swear to God."
Lady GaGa's "Monster Ball Tour" is making a stop in San Francisco for two nights this week. Expectedly, Ghirardelli couldn't care less.
"I've got a date with my TiVo all week," Ghirardelli remarked. "I need to catch up on Glee and Dexter."
