Missoula, MT — Heterosexual men who are regularly fellated by homosexual men have a lower risk of developing prostate and testicular cancer, a research study has found.
The “Study On The General Health Benefits Of One-Way Gay Fellatio” was spearheaded by University of Montana Sexual & Liberal Studies research fellow Dr. Wendel Jones, and will be published in the upcoming Spring issue of the Men’s Journal Of Health & Gender. It was initially met with jeers and snickering when first proposed in 2005, but Jones persevered to get funding, and was finally able to get it off the ground a year later.
Conducted over a period of four years, the research involved 600 men aged 23 to 54 who exclusively identify as heterosexual and enjoy penetrative vaginal sex with women. They were divided into two groups: one received oral sex on a daily basis from a team of experienced homosexual men, while the other did not. At the end of the study, all 600 were screened for prostate and testicular cancer. Eight tested positive for prostate cancer; six for testicular. All fourteen were from the group that did not get serviced orally by gay men.
Biologists who have examined the findings believe it may have something to do with “innate body resonance” (IBR), which refers to the human body’s natural, ingrained inclination to react positively to external stimuli coming from another person of the same sex. In this case, the oral stimulation of a man’s genitals by another man results in a positive metabolic effect that is magnified intrinsically by the body and improves its chances of resisting prostate and testicular cancer development.
“Gay men often like to say that no one knows how to please a man better than another man,” said Dr. Gayle Darvill. “Well, it’s not just a pick-up line. It’s innate body resonance.”
Darvill added “it’s no surprise” that fewer gay men die of prostate or testicular cancer. “The gays have unknowingly stumbled on the secret to prostate and testicular health,” said Darvill.
“The evidence is just overwhelming and impossible to ignore,” added Jones, who identifies as heterosexual and also took part in the study. “If you’re a straight guy, getting sucked off by another guy is not as bad as it looks, and does not deserve the social stigma it presently carries.”
Jones said heterosexual men would be “foolish not to embrace” the experience of receiving oral sex from gay men for its proven health advantage, and warned that “now is not the time to be squeamish about one’s prostate and testicular health.”
“Gay men weren’t just put on this earth for their fashion flair, impeccable taste and creativity,” said Jones. “They’re cancer-fighting angels that need to be encouraged, celebrated and, above all, appreciated.”
The study did not look into how giving oral sex to heterosexual men affected the gay men who took part in the study, but it is generally believed that the experience left them with more than a mouthful of great memories.