Washington, D.C. — If you’re in America looking for a prostitute to urinate on (or be urinated on by) for sexual pleasure, you’re out of luck.
Melania Trump as First Lady to champion struggling Eastern European models looking for their own Donald Trump
Manhattan, New York — First Lady-in-waiting Melania Trump has promised to be the champion and the voice of struggling, hard up Eastern European models chasing the American dream and looking for their own Dotard Trump when her husband assumes office in the White House as the popular vote loser of the 2016 United States general election.
Bedminster, New Jersey — In a move further indicative of how he intends to lead and govern the United States, president-elect Donald Trump has appointed an office cleaner at his New Jersey golf club to lead his incoming administration’s Department of Health & Human Services.
Donald Trump’s sputtering presidential campaign took another severe blow following the release Sunday of a new hot mic recording on which the New York billionaire is heard saying “there is no Santa Claus” and that children who believe he exists are idiots.
Los Angeles, CA — In a startling turn of events, Susan Sarandon’s vagina has gone on record and declared she is throwing her full support behind Democratic presidential front-runner Hillary Clinton.