16 Oct 2016

Trump on another hot mic: ‘There is no Santa Claus, these kids are idiots’

Donald Trump’s sputtering presidential campaign took another severe blow following the release Sunday of a new hot mic recording on which the New York billionaire is heard saying “there is no Santa Claus” and that children who believe he exists are idiots.

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29 Mar 2016

Susan Sarandon’s vagina: ‘I am with Hillary’

Los Angeles, CA — In a startling turn of events, Susan Sarandon’s vagina has gone on record and declared she is throwing her full support behind Democratic presidential front-runner Hillary Clinton.

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02 Jan 2016

Carly Fiorina surges to 97% support in Iowa polls following Hawkeyes pandering

Iowa may have lost the 102nd Rose Bowl to Stanford Cardinal, 45-16, but avid Hawkeyes fan Carly Fiorina has plenty to cheer about.

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22 Oct 2015

Hillary Clinton displays impressive composure at 11-hour, climax-free Republican circle jerk

Former U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton displayed impressive calm and composure today at a marathon congressional hearing investigating the Benghazi attacks, which could only be best described up as an 11-hour GOP circle jerk in which no Republican climaxed.

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21 Oct 2015

Ryan adds conditions for speakership run; wants Oasis reunion, special ivory gavel

Washington, D.C. — A day after admitting he would only consider running for Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives if House Republicans united behind his candidacy, Wisconsin Congressman Paul Ryan today also demanded as absolute prerequisites the reunion of 90s alternative British band Oasis and a gavel made of ivory taken from an elephant born in his birth year, 1970.

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