Washington, D.C. — A day after admitting he would only consider running for Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives if House Republicans united behind his candidacy, Wisconsin Congressman Paul Ryan today also demanded as absolute prerequisites the reunion of 90s alternative British band Oasis and a gavel made of ivory taken from an elephant born in his birth year, 1970.
Ottawa, ON, Canada — Canada has elected a gorgeous new Prime Minister in the person of Liberal Party leader Justin Trudeau. Trudeau garnered 184 popularity points, more than the required number (170) to take the coveted crown. He bested stone-faced Conservative incumbent Stephen Harper, who had to settle for second
Washington, DC President Barack Obama today issued an Executive Order that officially mandates the use of the term “unstoppable legend” instead of “lame duck” when referencing his job performance at the tail end of his two terms as Head of State of the United States of America.
Washington, DC U.S. President Barack Obama has called on former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin to step up to the plate of intelligent discourse and “stop playing the stupid card.”
U.S. Republican congressman Aaron Schock has once again struck down rumors regarding his sexual preference and announced Sunday that he is engaged to beloved singer-actress Liza Minnelli.