20 Oct 2015

Canada elects gorgeous new prime minister

Ottawa, ON, Canada — Canada has elected a gorgeous new Prime Minister in the person of Liberal Party leader Justin Trudeau. Trudeau garnered 184 popularity points, more than the required number (170) to take the coveted crown. He bested stone-faced Conservative incumbent Stephen Harper, who had to settle for second

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29 Jul 2015

Obama issues Executive Order changing ‘lame duck’ to ‘unstoppable legend’

Washington, DC — President Barack Obama today issued an Executive Order that officially mandates the use of the term “unstoppable legend” instead of “lame duck” when referencing his job performance at the tail end of his two terms as Head of State of the United States of America.

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20 Jan 2014

Obama to Palin: ‘No more playing stupid card’

Washington, DC — U.S. President Barack Obama has called on former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin to step up to the plate of intelligent discourse and “stop playing the stupid card.”

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05 Jan 2014

Aaron Schock denies gay rumors, reveals engagement to Liza Minnelli

U.S. Republican congressman Aaron Schock has once again struck down rumors regarding his sexual preference and announced Sunday that he is engaged to beloved singer-actress Liza Minnelli.

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10 Aug 2013

Anthony Weiner dildos hit sex toy market

Anyone who has ever gushed over or marveled at those leaked photos of Anthony Weiner’s penis can now enjoy an anatomically correct life-sized silicone copy in the privacy of their bedroom.

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