Los Angeles, CA — Inspired by a YouTube video of an elk grazing on a wide open meadow, comedienne and television celebrity Ellen DeGeneres announced that she is launching her own elk farm in Fresno County, California.

The next World Championships in Athletics will include a new division for intersexed and transgendered athletes across all events.

Plain Dealing, LA — The Reverend Al Sharpton was caught red-faced today after he showed up to give a speech at what he thought was former NFL star Steve McNair’s memorial service.

Hoosick, New York — Thousands of Morrissey devotees are up in arms following the conclusion of a fan convention which saw an unpopular attendee walk away with the annual event’s top prize.

Wacahoota, FL — An area man listening to a Taylor Dayne song on his iPod while walking through a busy mall has been arrested by police for disrupting business and causing a spike in hypertension in elderly mallgoers.