Kissing couple: Syria-bound?

Damascus, Syria — The couple photographed kissing during the hockey riots at Vancouver this week has been invited to restage their romantic smooch seen around the world at the ongoing pro-democracy protests in Syria.

Rafar Kayadh, one of many opposition leaders involved in the movement demanding regime change in Syria, said he was immediately inspired after seeing Scott Jones and Alexandra Thomas engaged in an intimate moment amidst the chaos and danger of the riots spurred on by the defeat suffered by the Vancouver Canucks at the hands of the Boston Bruins during the 2011 Stanley Cup final.

"I pitched the idea to other opposition leaders, and they all agreed it would bring great exposure to our cause to have these lovebirds lay scantily clad on the streets of Damascus and demonstrate their love for each other," said Kayadh.

The opposition leader said an email detailing the proposition and a preliminary logistical draft has already been sent to the couple, and they are hoping that they would get a positive response very shortly.

"Having these kissing kids in Damascus may just very well be the thing that helps us bring down Bashar Al-Assad once and for all," said Kayadh, who added that there are no plans to officially invite Richard Lam, the photographer who snapped the photograph of Jones and Thomas.

"We mean no offense to Mr. Lam. His work is good, but we'd rather have someone with a Syrian perspective handle the photography this time," Kayadh added.

Takanaka: Tragically hip

Chūō, Tokyo -- Police authorities have ruled as accidental the death of a 22-year-old hipster found in his apartment Thursday hanging from the top of a double-decker bed, suspended by an H&M scarf.

Atsuro Takanaka, who was a popular fixture in Tokyo social circles, was still in his club clothes when he was discovered by his roommate and best friend Takeshi Arabuto, also 22.

"I was really shocked when I saw him," said Arabuto. "At first I thought, 'Why did he kill himself?,' but it didn't make sense."

Arabuto said there had been no indication that Takanaka was depressed and suicidal. The two were out partying the night before. Arabuto said they both got "pretty wasted."

"He went home by himself while I went and hung out with another friend," said Arabuto.

Forensic examiner Furuta Funayama said the evidence suggested that while Takanaka was trying to get up to the top of the bunk bed, he had somehow gotten his H&M scarf tangled in the railings and fell off, causing his strangulation. He called the death tragic and "absolutely preventable."

"I could never stress this enough: never wear scarves to bed, especially when you're drunk out of your mind," said Funayama. "You just never know what would happen."

Long Mao Chiao: Optimistic

Beijing, China -- The Chinese production of the long-running worldwide hit comedy show "The Puppetry Of The Penis" has been canceled after only four performances.

China Construction Bank Corp. (CCBC), the production's chief underwriter, pulled the plug on funding after profit projections fell far short of expectations. Since its opening last week, the show had only averaged a paltry 1,700 yuan ($249 USD) per performance. The producers had hoped to rake in at least 500,000 yuan ($73,000 USD) per night.

"It is quite disappointing, but I suppose we should take this as a sign that the Chinese people are not ready for cock just yet. At least not Chinese cock anyway," said entrepreneur Li Kwang Ho, who brought the show to Beijing after seeing it 57 times in Australia and the United States of America.

Being roundly slammed by media critics across the board did not help the show either. The Beijing Ribao daily newspaper called the production "embarrasingly flaccid and thin on substance", while the Xinhua News Agency declared that "there's nothing to see here, move along."

People who have endured the show until curtain call have taken to the Internet with their own reviews. Some reports say that many audience members walked out within the first ten minutes of the show.

"As soon as the two stars, Long Mao Chiao and Kang Li Peng, disrobe, the excitement breaks for many people and they just leave," said blogger Chin-Mo Kuo, 25. "It is disheartening and sad. I feel for those two actors. They must feel terrible."

Xiaowao Kao, 27, believes that the show probably would have been more successful had they chosen actors more suitably equipped for the type of showmanship it demands.

"Let's be honest, the show thrives on penis tricks, and there just wasn't enough in this one. I mean, the best trick they could muster was the Mandarin Buffett Chicken Ball," said Kao.

Despite the career setback, Chiao, 44, remains optimistic. The actor said he is actively pursuing a part in the Chinese shadow play adaptation of John Carpenter's "Big Trouble In Little China."

"It's not as high profile as 'Puppetry' but it's still a decent job," Chiao said. "Like some wise man said, 'There are no small parts, only small actors.'"

Mai Lin: "no rice" does not compute

Hong Kong -- Chaos and disorder gripped a typically efficiently-run Chinese fast food restaurant in Hong Kong's bustling Causeway Bay area Friday after a man asked for "no rice" with his Kung Pao chicken.

43-year-old British tourist Peter Johnston, who is on a strict "low carb" Atkins diet, made the unusual request while ordering a quick lunch at the Empire Bowl. The restaurant's well-known rapid-fire order and fulfillment system effectively ground to a halt after server Mai Lin, 57, was unable to make sense of Johnston's instruction.

"All I ever wanted was a meal with no rice on it, and the lady just stood there like a deer in the headlights, unable to process the information," said Johnston. "It was most bizarre, really."

The impasse at the ordering line lasted nearly five minutes before restaurant manager Xiaogong Han intervened and relieved Lin of her duty, quelling a mounting unrest among regular patrons waiting to be served.

"Mai has been working at the Empire Bowl for nearly 15 years and not once during that time did anyone ask her to hold the rice," an apologetic Han told patrons. "Please forgive her. She is very routine-oriented. The rice always has to go somewhere, in her mind. She is set in her rice-serving ways."

As a gesture of good will, Han gave away free spring rolls to everyone waiting in line and promised to train Lin to be better at adapting to changing circumstances.

"She is one of our best employees, the only one in fact who could assemble a meal in less than 3 seconds," said Han. "I'm not going to give up on her."

Chernovetskyi: tampons in their right place, please

Kiev, Ukraine -- The city with the highest female-to-male ratio in the world is pioneering a disposal service for tampons in an effort to clean up its sewage system.

Kiev mayor Leonid Chernovetskyi announced the initiative Sunday in a press conference attended by city councillors, health experts, sewage engineers and representatives of the female hygiene industry.

"Effective immediately, all used tampons are to be disposed of only through properly designated disposal bins," said Chernovetskyi. "Flushing them down the toilet is not an option anymore."

Kiev's burgeoning female population has led to a spike in tampon usage in recent years, which has caused problems for the city's antiquated sewage system. An independent group commissioned by the city council to study the sewage situation recommended the institution of the tampon disposal service in order to provide a better means for women to dispose of their womanly wastes.

Chernovetskyi said the distinctively coloured pink bins will be placed strategically throughout the city, with a higher concentration dispatched near beauty salons, laundromats, and supermarkets. The bins will be emptied on a biweekly basis. "The goal is to have a disposal bin within two minutes of every woman wherever she may be in our fair city," he said.

Feminist groups have blasted the city council's move, saying it's a violation of a woman's right to menstruating privately. Says Olga Piemesova, head of the Ukrainian Women's Association (UWA): "It's already embarassing enough that we have to bleed on a monthly basis, but to have us practically announce it to the world by taking it out in public is downright humiliating."

Chernovetskyi dismissed the objections, saying women don't have to take out their tampons if they don't want to. "They can ask their husbands, boyfriends, brothers, neighbours," he said. "There is simply no excuse for them to fight this program, which aims to make life better for everyone."

The tampon disposal bins were imported from Xinzhuang, Taiwan, which considered launching its own tampon disposal program in 2009 but abandoned it in favour of the construction of a new public library.