Compelling. It definitely gets your attention. Too bad the video is more interesting than the music.

Dr. Manhattan: gaymaker

Seattle, WA -- A man who has seen "Watchmen" in theaters seven times is suing the movie's producers, claiming the film had turned him gay.

The complaint, filed with the Municipal Court of Seattle, names Warner Brothers Pictures as defendant and seeks USD $40 million in damages for emotional distress, loss of pleasure and lifestyle interruption.

In his deposition as plaintiff, Matthew Nesmith, 24, said that watching the excessive display of the character Dr. Manhattan's glowing blue genitals on the big screen "unsettled his otherwise stable heterosexual demeanor."

"My client was once a confident straight male who had a healthy relationship with his girlfriend of two years," said Andrew Mallory, Nesmith's lawyer. "Now, after seeing that movie, he can't get that blue cock of out his head and his relationship terminated as a result."

"It's like something was triggered in my brain by watching the movie and seeing him looking all hot and blue."

Nesmith said he is only able to have an erection whenever he imagines Dr. Manhattan walking around his apartment in all his glowing splendor. "It's like something was triggered in my brain by watching the movie and seeing him looking all hot and blue," he said.

Mallory said his legal team has already consulted with psychological and neurological experts who are willing to go on the witness stand to expose the movie as a "gaymaker."

"Our preliminary analysis of the light and sound patterns in the movie strongly suggest a deep, underlying message meant to turn straight males with specific brain patterns gay," said Dr. Archibald Walden, an expert in extraneous neurological manipulation at the University of Washington. "It is very ingenious, the way they put it together."

Warner Brothers Pictures spokesperson Deniece Rivers called the lawsuit "ridiculously frivolous" and said the company's lawyers aren't worried at all.

Billy Crudup, who plays Dr. Manhattan in the movie, said he has heard and read about countless reactions to his portrayal of the superhero, but this one is the most fascinating and intriguing.

"I didn't know I could turn guys gay," said Crudup. "If I'd known that, I would've pulled the moves on Ewan McGregor."

"Watchmen" is still playing in theaters and has recently passed the USD $100 mark in North American box office grosses.

Johanssen: I felt icky

Boston, MA -- A self-proclaimed white supremacist ushered in the new year by "getting absolutely obliterated" and inadvertently sleeping with an Asian.

"She called me a bunch of nasty names, but all I could think about was how I'd never hear the end of it from my Klan friends."

Anders Johanssen, 26, made the admission to his friends over brunch after his hangover from heavy drinking the night before had subsided.

The proud "hater of all things non-white" and aspiring police officer said he met a "nice-looking Caucasian chick" at the bar where he and his friends were celebrating the new year. The two hit it off well and ended up going back to Johanssen's apartment shortly after the clock struck twelve.

"She was really hot. Huge boobs, nice ass and all," said Johanssen. "She was a good lay."

Everything changed in the morning, Johanssen said, when he found out that he had actually just made love to an "Oriental."

"She went to the bathroom to do her lady business or whatever, so I looked in her purse to check her ID and stuff," said the Boston Police Academy student. "Turns out her name is actually Chun Li or something like that. I was absolutely flabbergasted to realize that I just fucked an Asian!"

Johanssen said the woman, who introduced herself as "Candace", confirmed his discovery and said she thought he knew.

"She must have had tons of plastic surgery to get her to look almost Caucasian," said Johanssen. "That woman really had me going."

Johanssen told friends he "felt icky and wanted to vomit" after the discovery. "I told her to leave immediately," he said. "She called me a bunch of nasty names, but all I could think about was how I'd never hear the end of it from my Klan friends."

When asked why he came forward with such a reputation-damaging story, Johanssen said: "I'm a racist, not a dishonest man. When I have foibles, I own up to them."

Obama: Ladies... how yall durrin?

CHICAGO, IL -- In a move that is sure to further bolster his burgeoning sex symbol status, Barack Obama is to hold a string of "ladies only" campaign rallies.

David Plouffe, Obama's campaign manager, said the Illinois senator and US presidential aspirant is "eager to rise up to the challenge" of titillating multitudes of potential female voters with his well-written and ably-teleprompted speeches.

"I have no doubt that he will be able to fill all the scheduled campaign stops with excitable women screaming and chanting his name in orgasmic unison," said Plouffe. "The man was born to excite and get you all interested."

"There's only a few black presidential hopefuls that can pull that off," added Plouffe. "Barack feels he's had a deep connection with his audience, especially the females. The primaries showed that. So what better way to get up close and personal than to make it all women for a few campaign stops?"

Plouffe refused to divulge any details of what will occur during these special campaign stops, other than "it's gonna be loaded with lots of wow moments."

Last week, Obama was officially nominated by the Democratic Party as its presidential candidate in the 2008 general election, the first African-American to achieve such a distinction. In his nomination acceptance speech, Obama admitted he doesn't fit the typical pedigree of a presidential candidate, and that he basically does not have a whole lot of experience, but emphasized that "change is coming."

"I'm pretty sure I came up with the idea first," stressed the "Yeah!" singer. "But that's cool, yall. I'mma let the good senator take the credit for this one. He deserves it."

Political pundits see Obama's "ladies only" rallies as a clever tactic to steal the thunder from Republican presidential nominee John McCain, who earned the admiration of millions of female voters this week after selecting Alaska governor Sarah Palin as his vice-presidential running mate.

Palin is widely seen as an underdog who steadfastly rose through adversity, attending five colleges in six years before graduating from the University of Idaho in 1987, and now standing by her unwed and pregnant teenage daughter Bristol.

"Many people questioned McCain's choice initially, but now those people are eating their words," said Time magazine's political columnist Joe Klein. "McCain counted on the sympathy factor, and he lucked out. How could anyone not feel the pain and struggles of Sarah Palin?"

"You gotta hand it to the Democrats," added MSNBC talk show host Chris Matthews. "They saw McCain's move and wasted no time in coming up with a counter-attack. They are definitely bringing it on now."

Obama's plan to hold "ladies only" campaign rallies has already trickled outside of the political arena and into the entertainment industry. In a similar move, R&B star Usher also announced that he is planning a series of "ladies only" shows to promote his new CD, "Here I Stand."

"I'm pretty sure I came up with the idea first," stressed the "Yeah!" singer. "But that's cool, yall. I'mma let the good senator take the credit for this one. He deserves it."