Copenhagen, Denmark — People who have seen James Cameron’s $2 billion-grossing 3D extravaganza “Avatar” are no better off than those who have not, a new study has found.

New York City, NY — U.S. television network ABC has officially greenlit a new “Extreme Makeover” spin-off reality show that will transform accused and convicted pedophiles from scary undateable monsters into beautiful respectable swans.

Pahrump, Nevada — While the whole world mourned in unison for Michael Jackson, an ice cream vendor beloved by many in the community was being buried quietly in a simple ceremony, surrounded by those he knew and whose lives he touched.

Winthrop, MA — One year ago, Sally Waddington had no idea who My Chemical Romance, Dashboard Confessional, and Fall Out Boy were and what kind of music they played. Now, the 52-year-old mother of three is well-versed on nearly every post-Green Day pop/punk band in existence. She even knows Gerard Way’s current hair color, how many tattoos Chris Carrabba has, and who Pete Wentz is dating.

A die-hard Britney Spears fan has placed voodoo curses on Don Henley and the Eagles after the group blocked the troubled pop singer from scoring a No. 1 debut on the Billboard 200 album chart this week.