Absolutely awe-inspiring!

It's so cute when a 400-lb. predator tries unsuccessfully to devour a helpless little baby.

Hastrup: Don't believe Avatar hype, live your life.

Copenhagen, Denmark -- People who have seen James Cameron's $2 billion-grossing 3D extravaganza "Avatar" are no better off than those who have not, a new study has found.

Conducted by the University of Copenhagen's Department of Anthropology, the research study involved one thousand participants evenly divided into two groups: one that has seen the Oscar-nominated movie and one that hasn't. Researchers spent many hours interviewing participants to get a general sense of their lives, hopes and dreams, financial situations, and personal outlooks.

"Basically, what we've discovered is that you're not missing out on anything if you have never seen even so much as a frame of 'Avatar'," said Dr. Donna Hastrup, the study's lead researcher. "Your life would still be meaningful and productive, regardless of what (director) James Cameron would like you to believe."

The study's findings, which will be published in the forthcoming Summer Edition of the Danish Journal Of Humanities, were unveiled a week after the movie's release on DVD/Blu-ray. 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment has reported that first-day sales of the DVD and Blu-ray combined for a whopping 4 million units sold. Cameron has confirmed a theater re-release in the summer with an additional six minutes of footage, as well as plans for a sequel.

Hastrup said the study was conducted in response to a "pervading feeling that Avatar is this enormously transformative experience."

"Throughout the latter part of 2009 and early 2010, all everyone ever talked about was how awesome 'Avatar' is, and how it somehow makes you feel like James Cameron is your best friend," said Hastrup. "We're not Debbie Downers; we just wanted to inject some sense of reality."

People who have seen the movie might actually be at a disadvantage, according to Hastrup. It has been widely reported that people have died from seizures after watching 'Avatar.' Presently, it is unknown whether or not it will have any lingering long-term side effects on those who have seen it in all its headache-inducing 3D glory.

"All we're trying to say is that if you haven't seen Avatar, don't feel bad. You are not a lesser human being," said Hastrup. "Go and live! There are better things you could do with three and a half hours."

New York City, NY -- U.S. television network ABC has officially greenlit a new "Extreme Makeover" spin-off reality show that will transform accused and convicted pedophiles from scary undateable monsters into beautiful respectable swans.

ABC Entertainment Group president Stephen McPherson said production has already commenced on the show, which will be known officially as "Extreme Makeover: Pedophile Edition." Dateline correspondent and "To Catch A Predator" reporter Chris Hansen will be on loan from NBC indefinitely to host the new show.

The first pedophile to be featured on the show will be Sylvia Johnson, the Colorado woman who provided marijuana, methamphetamine and alcohol to eight boys and had sex with five of them at parties held at her suburban Denver home in 2003 and 2004. She was convicted in 2005 of two counts of sexual assault, and nine counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

"Sylvia's serving a 30-year prison sentence, so it's going to be a tricky and tough shoot," said McPherson. "But it's okay. We like challenges like that."

Johnson: From pedophile to pretty

According to McPherson, the idea for the show came from Walt Disney CEO Robert Iger. "Bob couldn't get Sylvia's face out of his head for the longest time," said McPherson. "He was convinced that had Sylvia gotten a makeover and been given a fair shake at scoring grown-up dudes, she wouldn't be chasing after helpless and inexperienced young boys."

There are plans in the future to expand the premise of the show and add "The Bachelor/Bachelorette" elements to it but for now McPherson said the show will primarily focus on "beautifying the beastly."

"Our focus group research shows that this is going to be a ratings juggernaut," McPherson said. "You hit two birds with one stone: satisfy the never-ending craving of the masses for trashy but totally addictive shows, and reform homely pedophiles into healthy, productive and beautiful members of society who will have the confidence in themselves to find true, legal, non-jailbait love."

McPherson said he personally can't wait to see Johnson's reveal at the end of her two-part episode. "It's going to be mind-blowing," he added.

"Extreme Makeover: Pedophile Edition" is tentatively scheduled to premiere in the summer of 2010.

Michaels: greatest ice cream vendor ever

Pahrump, Nevada -- While the whole world mourned in unison for Michael Jackson, an ice cream vendor beloved by many in the community was being buried quietly in a simple ceremony, surrounded by those he knew and whose lives he touched.

The eerily named Jackson Michaels died Sunday at age 50 doing what he did best and had done all his life: entice kids with his drumsticks and frozen lollipops, and his seasonal Santa slurpees. He suffered a heart attack while driving his ice cream truck on his usual Sunday morning route west of the US 95.

Speaking at the brief memorial service held before his burial, the president of the Western Nevada Ice Cream Vendors League, Chance Gordon, hailed Michaels as "possibly the greatest ice cream vendor that ever lived."

"He broke down all the ice cream vending barriers with his kindness and compassionate nature, and in the process sold more ice cream than anyone else in the entire sector," said Gordon. "The industry will miss him very much."

In a surprise move, the late vendor's 12-year-old daughter Jasmine asked to speak to the assemblage and had everyone in tears with her heartfelt and heartbreaking speech.

"Ever since I was born, Papa has been the best dad you could ever imagine," she said, fighting back tears as relatives stroked her hair. "And I just want to say that I miss him so much."

Michaels leaves behind two sons and a daughter, and an estate estimated to be worth about $10,000.