Timeless actress, singer and all-around entertainer Cher has a lot on her head. Literally.

London, UK — Amy Winehouse has donated a tooth she had lost to meth abuse to help out Haitian earthquake victims.

Piscataway, NJ — An accountant who displayed no trace of grief or sadness during Michael Jackson’s televised memorial service Tuesday has been ordered by his employer to submit to psychiatric evaluation immediately.

London, England — Britain’s Got Talent contestant and YouTube sensation Susan Boyle is actually former Savage Garden frontman Darren Hayes in a fat suit, an anonymous source has revealed to several tabloid newspapers in London.

Manhattan, NY — “Crack A Bottle,” the new single by Eminem, Dr. Dre and 50 Cent this week soared to the top of the Billboard Hot 100 Chart and set a new Nielsen SoundScan record for opening week download sales (418,000), but the nation at large is blithely unconcerned.