London, UK — Amy Winehouse has donated a tooth she had lost to meth abuse to help out Haitian earthquake victims.

Piscataway, NJ — An accountant who displayed no trace of grief or sadness during Michael Jackson’s televised memorial service Tuesday has been ordered by his employer to submit to psychiatric evaluation immediately.

London, England — Britain’s Got Talent contestant and YouTube sensation Susan Boyle is actually former Savage Garden frontman Darren Hayes in a fat suit, an anonymous source has revealed to several tabloid newspapers in London.

Manhattan, NY — “Crack A Bottle,” the new single by Eminem, Dr. Dre and 50 Cent this week soared to the top of the Billboard Hot 100 Chart and set a new Nielsen SoundScan record for opening week download sales (418,000), but the nation at large is blithely unconcerned.

Pop superstar Janet Jackson is said to be planning an exclusive party where she intends to expose her left breast to celebrate the upcoming release of her new album, Discipline.