After the weather balloon was launched, it reached 80,000 feet, almost three times the cruising altitude of a jet.

Nelson was emailing his girlfriend on Southwest Airlines Flight 583 from San Francisco to San Diego when a fellow passenger — Pete the Penguin — started his sashsay down the aisle.

Pete and a less gregarious penguin companion were en route back to SeaWorld in San Diego on March 12 when the flight crew decided to let him stretch his legs a bit.

Modern-day vegetarians: Lucky

London, UK -- Vegetarians and vegans existed in prehistoric times, but there is no present-day evidence of their existence because they most likely got eaten by carnivorous predators before they could leave a lasting mark on the world, a leading British archaeologist has claimed.

Dr. Howard Sloane, a professor of archaeology at Cambridge University, made the spirited remark in a lecture given Saturday to a group of graduate students at the University College London's Archaeology Hall.

"When you factor in the law of natural selection, it is not that too farfetched an idea. Ancient vegetarians and vegans were probably too weak and lethargic to outrun the predators chasing after them," said Sloane. "Meanwhile, we have cave drawings of prehistoric men hunting wildlife for food. The facts speak for themselves."

Sloane said that modern-day vegetarians and vegans are "extremely lucky" to live in a world where vitamin and mineral supplements abound, and more important, "most carnivorous predators are locked up in zoos or being hunted to extinction."

"Truthfully, the whole of humankind should be thankful that a majority of our cavemen ancestors were meat-eaters," said Sloane. "Otherwise, we all wouldn't be here discussing this."

The Birmingham, UK-based Vegan Society summarily condemned Sloane's assertion, calling it "irresponsible and reckless."

"Countless studies have shown that our forebearers were fruit foragers. Additionally, ancient vegetarians and vegans used and made materials that were biodegradable, which explains why they didn't survive for modern men to behold," said George Rodger, the institution's Chair of Trustees.

Rodger added that he is more than willing to race Sloane, an avowed meat-lover, to see who sprints faster.

"I was a track and field star at university. I am pretty certain I can outrun the wanker," joked Rodger.

Teen grease: fuel of the future?

Houston, TX -- A miniature internal combustion engine fueled by excess teenage facial oils has won the blue ribbon at Lamar High School's 53rd Annual Science Fair.

The project, spearheaded by Grade 10 student Gregory Jussman, will be the school's official entry at the Texas Regional Science Fair to be held later this year.

According to the project specifications, the facial oils were collected over a period of seven months. Teenaged volunteers, which included Jussman himself, took as few showers as possible and used cotton balls to clean their faces every night. The cotton balls were then gathered weekly and "squeezed" into a beaker. The group had managed to collect enough oil to keep the specially-modified miniature engine running for 4 minutes and 4 seconds, a feat unanimously applauded by fair organizers and school officials.

"Mr. Jussman's project represents exactly the kind of forward thinking that our nation's leaders should be doing right now," said principal James McSwain. "We will not have fossil fuel forever, but we will always have our greasy youth. We need to start moving in this direction."

International oil giant British Petroleum has reportedly already expressed interest in Jussman's project and made arrangements to meet with the young inventor over the summer to discuss sponsorship possibilities.

At a post-fair press junket interview, Jussman, 15, said he got the idea for the project after endless hours of being mercilessly taunted by family and friends over his greasy skin and problem acne.

"Everyone's been really mean to me about my greasy mug, so I said to myself, 'I'm gonna show y'all what my acne can do,'" the teen said. "Look who's laughing now?"