Chen: Went home Pikachu-less

Balls Mills, PA -- The owners of a traveling amusement show in Central Pennsylvania are facing heat over a decision to ban Asians from participating in the carnival's popular age guessing game.

Avid funfair goer Binlu Chen, who is 54 but looks about 17, found out about the Budwick & Chase Amusement Fair's unsavory new policy over the weekend when he went to the "Guess My Age" booth and was roundly denied by the operator, who told him that Asians are not allowed in the age guessing game anymore "because you're all so deceptively youthful."

When Chen went to the on-duty carnival manager to lodge a complaint, he was told the same thing.

"I was really disappointed and upset. The age guessing game is my all-time favorite because I always win it. It's the only reason I go to fairs," said Chen, who went home that day without his usual haul of oversized Pikachu plush dolls.

Carnival co-owner Lance Budwick, 44, denied the decision was racially-motivated and emphasized that it was purely due to the bad economy. "At the end of the day, it boils down to economics. We need to make sure that we are still a profitable enterprise," Budwick said. "We are bad at guessing the age of Asians, so we've decided not to do it anymore."

The Righteous League of Asian-Americans Demanding Equality Now (RLAADEN) disagrees. RLAADEN President Thompson Wang, 39, said they are strongly considering a racial discrimination lawsuit against the owners of Budwick & Chase Amusement Fair.

"Racial discrimination has no place anywhere in this day and age," said Wang. "The decision by this group to ban Asians from their carnival game is highly immoral and unconscionable, and must be righted at all costs."

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Faisal Shahzad: If I can't make it there...

New York, NY -- As federal investigation into the attempted bombing in New York's Times Square continues, new details have emerged pointing to another possible motivation that led to suspect Faisal Shahzad's criminal actions: revenge for a failed Broadway career.

Anonymous sources say the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) has obtained strong evidence indicating the Pakistani born U.S. citizen had tried to forge a career on the Broadway stage as early as 2004, when he tried out for the role of Jacob in the revival of La Cage aux Folles. With no real stage experience under his belt, Shahzad failed to get the part, which eventually went to Michael Benjamin Washington.

The initial setback did not stop Shahzad from pursuing his Broadway dream. He subsequently auditioned for parts in countless other shows including Rent, Avenue Q, Wicked, Spring Awakening, and most recently, The Lion King. All of his Broadway attempts met with disappointing results, and that may have pushed the one-time accountant to go over the edge, according to the top secret FBI files.

"There is a strong possibility this is simply the vengeful act of a man who wanted to sing and dance on Broadway but didn't get to."

"The last straw may have been his outright rejection by the casting team for 'The Lion King,'" said an FBI insider. "This fully explains why he parked the explosives-filled vehicle adjacent to the Minskoff Theatre which was showing that musical."

Since his arrest Monday, Shahzad has taken full responsibility for the failed terrorist attack, claiming he had received training in bomb-making in the Waziristan region of Pakistan. Pakistani foreign affairs minister Shah Mehmood Qureshi said there is ample reason to believe the Taliban may have been involved. Federal investigators are still mum on the issue.

"It's far too easy to slap the Taliban or Al-Qaeda label on Shahzad," said the FBI insider. "But there is a strong possibility this is simply the vengeful act of a man who wanted to sing and dance on Broadway but didn't get to. The investigation is considering this as a valid angle."

A complaint filed in federal court on Tuesday charges Shahzad with five counts of terrorism-related crimes, including attempting to use a weapon of mass destruction. If convicted on these charges, he faces up to life in prison.

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Hartford: Saved by perm

Lubbock, TX -- A man who has just had a perm was held up at gunpoint but mysteriously let go by a mugger in an incident that has baffled police.

Brian Hartford, 34, said he was walking to his car after getting a perm at the Village Hairstyles Salon on 82nd St. when he was accosted by the would-be robber who was wearing a stocking over his face to conceal his identity. The gun-wielding man immediately demanded money, but paused after noticing Hartford's hair.

"He seemed to be mesmerized by my hair," Hartford said. "He just stared at it for a long time, and then told me 'Your hair is nice' before walking away."

Hartford said he contemplated running to his car to get his shotgun and chase after the would-be robber, but instead decided to call 911 to report the incident. Lubbock Police Officer Harold Kemp, who took Hartford's statement at the scene of the uncommitted crime, said they are working on identifying the hooligan, who may have mugged others in the area.

"Our criminal profiler is presently focusing on this guy's fascination with curly hair," said Kemp. "He can run, but he can't hide. We're gonna bag this curly-hair-adoring thug. It's only a matter of time."

Hartford said he is going to put the experience behind him and is thankful for the good job his beautician did on his hair.

"I'm just glad I got the perm. If that guy had gotten to me with my limp and lifeless hair, Christmas would've been very bleak this year," said Hartford.

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B: The Other Side Of Oprah

Move over FHM and Maxim and make room for Oprah Winfrey's jelly.

The ubiquitous celebrity talk show host and zeitgeist manipulator, and Hearst Magazines, publisher of her popular women's magazine O, take aim at the male demographic with the launch of B, a spinoff publication aiming to reveal Ms. Winfrey's raunchier side.

Cathie Black, Hearst Magazines president, said the move into the men's magazine market was a natural progression for Winfrey.

"Oprah's had tremendous success with O. She felt it was time to expand her horizons, and logically, the male demographic was the next step," said Black. "She won't stop until she is the queen of everything."

"Now prepare to see Oprah in a different light as the quintessential harlot of our time."

Stylistically, the new magazine retains the template that made O stand out from the competition, and will continue to pamper Winfrey's egocentric tendencies. However, while O distinguished itself by exclusively having Winfrey appear front side on the cover, B will showcase her uncelebrated back side.

Interim Editor-in-Chief Susan Casey, who also runs O, is particularly thrilled.

"I've told Oprah time and time again that she has a fine black ass and she needs to feel proud of it, to flaunt it more," says Casey. "I am excited that we finally get to do that with this new baby of hers."

Casey also promised they have plenty of exciting and neat things in store for "all the men out there."

"Over the years, you've all become familiar with Oprah's wholesome, Africa-helping, Obama-supporting, Chris Brown-denouncing side," said Casey. "Now prepare to see Oprah in a different light as the quintessential harlot of our time."

The introductory issue of B includes such risque topics as "How To Convince Her To Take It From Behind" and "101 Ways To Eat Poon Tang," and has on the cover a close-up of Ms. Winfrey's heavily airbrushed back side in a flimsy bikini. Casey said they are not concerned about the initial public reaction to it.

"Yes, we're all aware that Oprah's ass doesn't really look like that, but it's no secret in the men's magazine market that everybody gets Photoshopped," said Casey. "All I'm saying is let she or he who has not been airbrushed cast the first stone."

B: The Debut Issue is now available on magazine stands and at fine bookstores everywhere in the United States and Canada.

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