Norwalk, CT — Pop singer Lady Gaga has signed a multi-year deal with the Xerox Company as its new Director of Brand Recognition.

Chairman and CEO Ursula Burns made the exciting announcement today at a press conference flanked by dozens of female impersonators dressed up as the "Poker Face" and "Paparazzi" singer in her various many guises.

"Lady Gaga's bottomless talent provides the perfect synergy to what the Xerox Company has been traditionally known for through the years. She gracefully embodies the Xerox Company's primary strength," said Burns, who wouldn't confirm whether or not the singer was in attendance when a reporter asked.

Gesturing toward the drag queens surrounding her onstage during her speech, Burns smiled and simply said "With all these perfect copies of Lady Gaga, it's hard to tell, isn't it?"

Xerox's partnership with the pop singer is the latest effort to revitalize the iconic corporation famous for introducing xerographic office photocopying in 1959. In 2008, the company rebranded itself with a new wordmark and logo.

Lady Gaga will begin promotional appearances for the company immediately, with a print, TV, radio and Internet ad campaign blitz coming in the Fall.

Lady Gaga: Top tranny

It takes money - and lots of mascara and duct tape - to land a prime spot on Forbes' Tranny 100 list. But one hundred trannies who managed to make it onto the list can call themselves winners.

Lady Gaga took the top spot on the Forbes Tranny 100 list for the first time. Last year, the "Poker Face" singer came in at No. 2 behind the Queen of England, Queen Elizabeth II, who this year slipped to the runner-up spot. Forbes reports that Lady Gaga earned $62 million over the past 12 months, while Queen Elizabeth II took in roughly $80 million.

In determining their tranny list, Forbes said they took more than earnings into account. They also looked at fame, measured by the number of times a tranny is mentioned in print, TV, radio and the social media.

Forbes Magazine spokesperson Ginny Flowers said "Lady Gaga undeniably has fame in spades."

Third on the list is evergreen drag queen RuPaul, who earned $10 million in the past 12 months on the strength of the hit Logo reality show "RuPaul's Drag Race". Holding onto fourth place for a second straight year is cabaret performer Alexis Arquette, who earned $8 million, and at No. 5 is David LaChapelle muse Amanda Lepore, who banked $6.9 million.

Rounding out the top 10 are porn star Buck Angel with $4 million, activist Chaz Bono ($3.5 million), Bulgarian performer Azis ($3 million), American Idol 2009 Runner-Up Adam Lambert ($2.4 million) and Dutch TV personality Kelly van der Veer ($1.2 million).

Lady Gaga: proud to eat at Hooters

Los Angeles, CA -- The first ever all-tranny Hooters restaurant was launched in high style Wednesday with the appearance of special guest Lady Gaga, who came dressed as an expired Rice Krispie snack.

The "Poker Face" singer said she was thrilled to be at the exclusive launch party attended by members of West Hollywood's elite drag community and their friends. "This is a long time coming. Now, for the first time in my adult life, I am proud to step into a Hooters restaurant," she gushed.

Hooters President & CEO Coby G. Brooks said plans for a franchise that exclusively employs transvestites and transsexuals as its waiting staff have been on the drawing table as early as 1999, but "the Bush-Cheney years got in the way."

"Now, with the mainstream popularity of individuals like Lady Gaga and shows like RuPaul's Drag Race, this is definitely an idea whose time has come," said Brooks, who gave Lady Gaga an unprecedented, non-expiring "all you can eat" pass to the newly-opened restaurant.

As with regular Hooters restaurants, the waitresses at the "all-tranny" franchise will be wearing the distinctive uniform of a white tank top with the "Hootie the Owl" logo and the location name on the front paired with the famously short orange runner's shorts.

Brooks encourages patrons to be as frisky as they want with the tranny waitresses, as long as they don't reach into their shorts. "Our trannies work hard and are focused on their jobs. The last thing they want is for their tucks to come undone on a busy night while serving chicken wings and beer," he said.

First-time patron Roland Majors, 34, said he didn't know what to expect at first, but was genuinely surprised by the experience he'd had getting served by 23-year-old tranny Shanice LeGreece.

"Until tonight, I'd never seen a tranny up close before. They're such fun creatures!" Majors said. "I'm definitely coming back."

The Heenes: We're gonna be hair models! Take that, media!

London, England -- Whether or not it was a premeditated publicity stunt, the tale of the runaway helium balloon in Colorado seems to have worked out in favor of the besieged family at the center of it all.

English celebrity hair magnate John Frieda is reportedly very keen on hiring Richard Heene, his wife Mayumi and sons Falcon, Bradford and Ryo as models for a new hair design portfolio that insiders say will "revolutionize hair in the 21st century."

"John is really enthralled by the Heene family's hair," said Morgan Greystone, a close associate of Frieda's. "He's already got all kinds of fabulous ideas. This whole thing is going to be massive."

Greystone said Richard Heene's bowl cut hairstyle is "nearly impeccable" as it is. "We're just going to add some highlights to it and reintroduce it as the Mature Backstreet Boy Cut," he added.

For Mayumi Heene, Greystone said they are planning a reinvention of the classic Nancy Kwan Cut.

"We figured it was time for the Kwan Cut to make its comeback, and what better conduit than Mayumi," said Greystone. "We just have to do something about all that grease that's weighing her hair down."

The Heene boys are being considered for a "radical new look" for young boys based on Chinese Communist leader Mao Zedong's hairstyle.

"No one's really appropriated that look and John thinks now is a good time to get ahead of the curve, what with socialists running freely everywhere," Greystone said.

Heene family lawyer and spokesperson David Lane said that Richard and Mayumi are "tickled pink by the thought of being hair models and can't wait for the official offer from John Frieda."

"It's not a reality show dedicated to them, but at this point, they'll take what they can get," said Lane.

Dove Whiteface: It don't matter if you're black or white.

Multinational corporation Unilever has expanded its Dove personal care product line with the release of a commemorative Michael Jackson beauty bar called 'Dove Whiteface.'

"We wanted to celebrate Michael Jackson the best way we can, and we feel this is it," said Chairman Michael Treschow. "We understand and feel deeply for Michael's struggle with vitiligo and hope this new product would help others suffering from the same condition."

Vitiligo is a relatively common chronic skin disorder that causes loss of pigmentation in patches of skin. Jackson said he suffered from the condition, which eventually led him to the drastic measure of eradicating the pigmentation in his entire body.

The product, which shipped to retails stores worldwide just days after the televised memorial service for the late King of Pop, contains the active ingredient monobenzene which not just lightens but actually removes pigment from the skin. Regular use of the product would eventually leave a permanent albino complexion. Unfortunately, anyone who uses the product would have to stay away from the sun for the rest of their life, a side-effect which Treschow says is acceptable.

"You get to have beautiful alabaster skin. So what if you have to carry an umbrella or wear a mask in public at all times?" said Treschow.

Michael Jackson's family has not officially sanctioned Whiteface, but his sister LaToya reportedly has already ordered a year's supply.

"She's crazy about it. She understands the product, and we are happy to give it to her at cost," said Unilever Marketing Chief Ceska Torche. "We are actually considering her as the official spokesperson."

Whiteface retails at $365 for a package of two bars.