Lady Gaga: Can't read her pooper face.

Kansas City, MO -- Singer Lady Gaga has defecated, CNN's Entertainment bureau reports.

The singer reportedly ran straight to the lavatory after she arrived in the City of Fountains ahead of the August 3rd stop of her Monster Ball Tour at the Sprint Center.

"She hasn't had a decent poop in over three days," said Lady Gaga's tour manager Troy Carter. "This is really good news for us, and for the show tomorrow night."

Carter said Lady Gaga believes her creativity lies in her lower intestinal tract, and that she feels the need to cling onto her feces for as long as she can.

"At first we thought she was just pulling our legs when she told us," said Carter. "But it's true. Her fecal matter is her focal point. Every inch of her creativity emanates from her feces. Constipation is her motivation."

The singer's Monster Ball Tour finishes its 2010 North American leg this September in Raleigh, North Carolina, after which she takes the show to Europe once again. She graces the cover of Vanity Fair's September 2010 issue.

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Bieber: Almost got shaved

Los Angeles, CA -- Justin Bieber has sprouted his first chest hair, but his record label and management team do not want you to know about it.

The 16-year-old tween sensation excitedly tweeted about the bodily development on his Twitter account Sunday, but the message was removed within minutes, most likely ordered by the singer's father and manager, Jeremy.

Insiders say Bieber's public relations management team has convened emergency brainstorming sessions to devise ways to contain information about the singer's accelerating growth and physical development.

"Let's be honest here. Most of Justin's fans are young tween girls, and to those girls, body hair is just gross," said an anonymous source. "As soon as they find out that Justin is turning into a Sasquatch, they'll bail, and there goes the cash cow."

The same source said that Bieber's mother, Pattie Mallette, panicked upon discovering her son's chest hair, reportedly an inch directly above his right nipple, and "almost shaved it off with a Gillette." The singer's quick-thinking father got to the razor in time and prevented the potentially catastrophic act.

"Everyone knows that shaving chest hair will only bring more hair, coarser hair," said the source.

Bieber is currently preparing for his first headlining world tour, which kicks off in Connecticut on June 23rd. A second leg, which will see the young sensation performing for the rest of the year, was added recently in order to fulfill demand.

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DeGeneres: Awestruck by elk

Los Angeles, CA -- Inspired by a YouTube video of an elk grazing on a wide open meadow, comedienne and television celebrity Ellen DeGeneres announced that she is launching her own elk farm in Fresno County, California.

"I was just so awestruck by the simple beauty of elk eating grass. It didn't take me long to realize that I really would like to have my own elk farm," said the Daytime Emmy Award winner in a prepared statement.

The surprise agricultural venture comes on the heels of the talk show host's announcement Wednesday that she is creating a record label and signing 12-year-old YouTube wunderkind Greyson Chance as her first artist. Chance was spotted by DeGeneres after posting a video online of himself playing the piano and singing Lady Gaga's hit song "Paparazzi" at a sixth grade music festival.

"Yeah, that Chance sure is great, but not as great as my new elk farm," joked the American Idol judge, who plans to bring the first elk on her farm to her talk show next week.

"It'll probably just stand there and stare at me, but that's okay. It'll be a historic moment, for sure," she said.

DeGeneres added that she plans to continue scouring YouTube and using her show to find new barnyard animals, "preferably elk," to add to her farm.

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Reznor: people are so mean

Los Angeles, CA -- Nine Inch Nails front man Trent Reznor has quit Twitter for the 97th time.

The temperamental rock star, who turned 45 Monday, deleted his account following a tempestuous tweeting exchange with an overly critical follower who pointed out his "relative puffiness" and insinuated he had gone to a Botox clinic and should ask for his money back.

The industrial music pioneer took to his website shortly thereafter to denounce the "vile meanness of humanity."

"I am done with this childish shit," said Reznor. "Twitter is for soulless heathens."

A spokesperson for TwitterQuitters.biz, the Burbank, California upstart that tracks Twitter's quitting patterns, said it is technically the 96th time Reznor has voluntarily scrapped his Twitter account.

"He accidentally deleted his Twitter on May 2nd, which our trackers count as No. 96," said Bobby Plummer.

According to Plummer, Reznor is by and large the person who has lodged the most number of Twitter account closures. He also tops the list of account re-activations.

Unsurprisingly, Reznor gingerly returned to the social networking site after chatting with close friends over chocolate ice cream and apple pie. Last year, the singer caused a stir when he unceremoniously deleted his Twitter account for the first time after an unsavoury experience with rude fans.

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Lambert: Start spreading the news...

Two weeks after unveiling his headlining "Glam Nation" tour, American Idol rock god Adam Lambert has announced that new dates have been added to the trek, which will see him playing at America's finest bingo halls.

"I just want to be able to reach as many fans as possible," Lambert said in a statement. "I hope the audience will be able to escape for a few hours and fall into a world full of glam, drama and bingo."

Shows on the new dates will start early and will not feature any opening acts in order to accommodate Lambert's fans' early bedtimes. "It's all good. Not everyone can stay up all night," said Lambert. "It will be good for me as well, as I will have that extra time at night to go have some fun on the side."

After placing second despite being heavily favored to win on "Idol" last year, Lambert has gone on to become a world-class superstar. His post-"Idol" debut album, "For Your Entertainment," has sold a staggering 605,000 copies since its highly-publicized release in the United States, according to Nielsen SoundScan. The third single to be released from that album, the Pink and Max Martin-penned ballad "Whataya Want from Me," hit the top 10 of Billboard's Hot 100 chart after Lambert performed it on the show in April.

Here are Adam Lambert's new "Glam Nation" bingo hall tour dates:

June 6: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania (Amvets #77)
June 9: Lincoln, Nebraska (Superior Bingo)
June 12: Sioux Falls, South Dakota (Burnside Bingo)
June 20: Bay City, Michigan (Village Hall)
June 21: Saginaw, Michigan (VFW Bingo)
June 23: Brooklyn, New York (Flatbush Bingo Hall)
June 25: North Tonawanda, New York (Rescue Fire Co Bingo)
June 27: Essex, Vermont (Backyard Bingo)
June 28: Ansonia, Connecticut (SJC Marathon Monthly Bingo)
June 29: Chicago, Illinois (Premier Entertainment Center)
June 30: Peoria, Illinois (Tazewell Bingo Center Inc.)
July 3: Wyoming, USA (Lucky Bucks Bingo)
July 20: Portales, New Mexico (St Helens Bingo)
July 22: Portland, Oregon (Summit Bingo)
July 24: Seattle, Washington (Cascade Booster Club Bingo)
July 30: Concord, California (Blue Devil Bingo)

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