Michael Fassbender: Frontrunner

Beverly Hills, CA — Bowing to increased pressure from its members, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences (AMPAS) today announced the addition of a new awards category recognizing actors and actresses for their outstanding achievement in full frontal nudity on film.

Academy president Tom Sherak made the official announcement in a statement circulated to the press. Calling the historic move "a long time coming," Sherak said it all began as a grassroots campaign started by Kevin Bacon shortly after the release of "Wild Things," the 1998 thriller in which Bacon showed his "crown jewels."

"It took us a while, but the Academy and all of its members are pleased to finally be able to acknowledge and honor our colleagues who go the distance by fully revealing their genitalia for the viewing pleasures of the movie-going public," Sherak said.

Sherak said the groundbreaking new category will be "gender-blind" and allow male, female, hermaphrodite and transsexual nominees.

The nominees for next year's Oscars are still weeks away from being revealed, but there is already strong speculation that Michael Fassbender, who unreluctantly showed his Irish-German genitals in this year's "Shame," will be a frontrunner nominee and has the lock on walking away with the inaugural award.

Another star that Academy insiders expect on the nominee list is comedienne Sarah Silverman, who bared it all in the Sarah Polley-directed "Take This Waltz."

Nominees for the 84th Academy Awards will be announced January 24, 2012. The ceremony will be held February 26, 2012 at the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood, California.

Never forget "Loverboy"

New York — Thousands gathered Sunday morning at former Tower Records stores around the United States to commemorate the 10th anniversary of the tragic release of Mariah Carey's catastrophic "Glitter" album.

In New York, dozens stood still in silence, some crying as they listened to "Loverboy,""Never Too Far," and "Don't Stop (Funkin' 4 Jamaica)" played out on the loudspeakers.

"They were a truly horrible, horrible collection of songs," said former Sony Music Entertainment head Tommy Mottola, who, along with his wife Thalia and current American Idol judge Jennifer Lopez, helped lead the commemoration on the 10th anniversary of the CD's release.

The solemn ceremony at the site of the last Tower Records store to close in New York City came with almost no security presence permeating the area one block north of the Lincoln Center on Manhattan's West Side.

At the ceremony, Mottola and his wife stood behind bullet-proof protection. Lopez, who had a hit album at the time, sang her No. 1 single "I'm Real," which contained a sample of Yellow Magic Orchestra's "Firecracker" that Carey originally wanted to use for Glitter's first single, "Loverboy."

"I think the sample was a more natural fit for my song," Lopez said after her performance. "I'm glad I got to it first before Mariah did."

At the former Landmark Plaza Tower Records Store in Alexandria, Virginia, people put up a makeshift shrine to good music with a banner that read "Never Forget" spelled out with shredded copies of the CD.

In Washington, D.C., music fans were a little more positive as they chanted "It gets better" and listened to "We Belong Together," the smash hit from Carey's 2005 comeback album, "The Emancipation Of Mimi."

Former Tower Records President Michael Solomon said the choice of former Tower Records stores as a place to congregate and remember "that fateful day in 2001" was appropriately symbolic.

"The music industry in general suffered a terrible blow that day," said Solomon. "And I believe it's directly related to the demise of Tower Records."

"Glitter" debuted and peaked at No. 7 on the Billboard Hot 200 Albums chart in the U.S. on September 11, 2001. It also performed underwhelmingly in other countries, except Japan, where it reached No. 1. It received generally bad reviews from music critics. The album's dismal performance and the critical drubbing of the film of the same title for which it was recorded are widely believed to have caused Carey to go into downward spiral and have a nervous breakdown.

Levine: 'Un-American' to wear a shirt

Washington, DC — U.S. Congressman Barney Frank has sponsored legislation making it mandatory for Maroon 5 lead singer Adam Levine to be shirtless at all times.

The U.S. Representative for Massachusetts's 4th congressional district introduced the bill in Congress one month after the band released the official video for their song "Moves Like Jagger."

In an interview with the Washington Post, Frank said that he "had had many a sleepless night" after watching the video clip, in which a very lean and sinewy Levine appears topless and dances and prances around like Mick Jagger in his heyday.

"It is just downright astounding how impossibly, mind-numbingly good-looking Mr. Adam Levine is with his shirt off. It would be un-American and a travesty to have that beauty obscured or covered up in any way," said the openly gay legislator.

Frank said he hopes to get the bill through the House Special Subcommittee on Culture & Arts and on the House floor for proper debate "within the next couple of weeks," stressing that Levine's shirtless splendor needs to be harnessed and enjoyed by all Americans as soon as possible.

If approved and passed into law, the Adam Levine Mandatory Torso Exposure bill will make it illegal for the singer to wear anything from the waist up in the United States and any of its official territories. Violations will be duly punishable by mandatory pantlessness, which could last anywhere from two weeks to six months.

The lawmaker promptly dismissed critics of the bill who say it's an infringement of Levine's individual right to privacy.

"I am doing this in the interest of our great nation, and I am sure Mr. Levine will agree that his beauty is a national treasure that must be shared," said Frank.

When reached for comment, Levine said he is a law-abiding American citizen and will do everything he can to cooperate with the law.

Watch the "Moves Like Jagger" video below.

Norwalk, CT — Pop singer Lady Gaga has signed a multi-year deal with the Xerox Company as its new Director of Brand Recognition.

Chairman and CEO Ursula Burns made the exciting announcement today at a press conference flanked by dozens of female impersonators dressed up as the "Poker Face" and "Paparazzi" singer in her various many guises.

"Lady Gaga's bottomless talent provides the perfect synergy to what the Xerox Company has been traditionally known for through the years. She gracefully embodies the Xerox Company's primary strength," said Burns, who wouldn't confirm whether or not the singer was in attendance when a reporter asked.

Gesturing toward the drag queens surrounding her onstage during her speech, Burns smiled and simply said "With all these perfect copies of Lady Gaga, it's hard to tell, isn't it?"

Xerox's partnership with the pop singer is the latest effort to revitalize the iconic corporation famous for introducing xerographic office photocopying in 1959. In 2008, the company rebranded itself with a new wordmark and logo.

Lady Gaga will begin promotional appearances for the company immediately, with a print, TV, radio and Internet ad campaign blitz coming in the Fall.

Kissing couple: Syria-bound?

Damascus, Syria — The couple photographed kissing during the hockey riots at Vancouver this week has been invited to restage their romantic smooch seen around the world at the ongoing pro-democracy protests in Syria.

Rafar Kayadh, one of many opposition leaders involved in the movement demanding regime change in Syria, said he was immediately inspired after seeing Scott Jones and Alexandra Thomas engaged in an intimate moment amidst the chaos and danger of the riots spurred on by the defeat suffered by the Vancouver Canucks at the hands of the Boston Bruins during the 2011 Stanley Cup final.

"I pitched the idea to other opposition leaders, and they all agreed it would bring great exposure to our cause to have these lovebirds lay scantily clad on the streets of Damascus and demonstrate their love for each other," said Kayadh.

The opposition leader said an email detailing the proposition and a preliminary logistical draft has already been sent to the couple, and they are hoping that they would get a positive response very shortly.

"Having these kissing kids in Damascus may just very well be the thing that helps us bring down Bashar Al-Assad once and for all," said Kayadh, who added that there are no plans to officially invite Richard Lam, the photographer who snapped the photograph of Jones and Thomas.

"We mean no offense to Mr. Lam. His work is good, but we'd rather have someone with a Syrian perspective handle the photography this time," Kayadh added.