St. Louis, MO — A casual partaking of Gay Pride festivities has turned sour for a family after its youngest member contracted gonococcal conjunctivitis, presumably from one of the Parade participants.

Toronto, ON — A debate Canadians thought was over has risen again, as Toronto hosts the “Largest Festival for Dogs in North America”. What organizers had hoped would be a cheeky opening event – Woofstock Weddings – has instead unleashed controversy about the meaning of marriage.

Toronto, ON — Thousands of air travellers became inconvenienced today after a radical group of overweight Canadians commandeered all five runways at Toronto’s major international airport to protest the vilification of trans fats in Canada.

Manhattan, NY — It’s Wednesday morning. Typically, Louise Fenbro would still be in bed sleeping off last night’s hangover. She would get up just in time for brunch at Posh, and then engage in another afternoon shopping spree in SoHo. Instead, she is posting an ad on Craigslist for her Dolce & Gabbana purse which she is selling so that she can make this month’s rent.

Toronto, ON — A female tourist who is severely allergic to Asian people is in a coma after her car broke down at a very busy intersection in the city’s bustling Chinatown district.