Seattle, WA — A man who has seen “Watchmen” in theaters seven times is suing the movie’s producers, claiming the film had turned him gay.

Boston, MA — A self-proclaimed white supremacist ushered in the new year by “getting absolutely obliterated” and inadvertently sleeping with an Asian.

Toronto, ON — The 2008 Toronto International Film Festival may have already wrapped up, but Jagdish Kulkarni is still basking in the prestigious event’s corporate-sponsored afterglow.

Winthrop, MA — One year ago, Sally Waddington had no idea who My Chemical Romance, Dashboard Confessional, and Fall Out Boy were and what kind of music they played. Now, the 52-year-old mother of three is well-versed on nearly every post-Green Day pop/punk band in existence. She even knows Gerard Way’s current hair color, how many tattoos Chris Carrabba has, and who Pete Wentz is dating.

Miami, FL — A homosexual construction worker is re-examining his approach to friendship with straight men after “getting his heart broke” by a man he thought was interested in him but was actually just using him to get close to a female friend of his.