New York, NY — Even though he is actually not a woman and has not won any state-level beauty pageants, U.S. President Barack Obama has been unanimously declared as the winner of the 2010 Miss USA beauty pageant.

Ottawa, ON — Canada’s Governor General Michaëlle Jean’s adventurous taste buds have landed her in hot water yet again after she participated in an ancient Hasidic circumcision ritual which culminated in her eating the freshly cropped foreskin of a newborn Jewish male infant.

Washington, DC — US President Barack Obama today ordered the creation of a special White House office that would plan, execute and manage photo ops digitally using popular image editing software Adobe Photoshop.

CHICAGO, IL — In a move that is sure to further bolster his burgeoning sex symbol status, Barack Obama is to hold a string of “ladies only” campaign rallies.

Hillary Rodham Clinton’s presidential aspirations took another blow today after the Coastal Association of Cheerleaders in America (CACA) withdrew their support for the former First Lady and declared Barack Obama as “wicked cool.”