London, UK — Vegetarians and vegans existed in prehistoric times, but there is no present-day evidence of their existence because they most likely got eaten by carnivorous predators before they could leave a lasting mark on the world, a leading British archaeologist has claimed.

Houston, TX — A miniature internal combustion engine fueled by excess teenage facial oils has won the blue ribbon at Lamar High School’s 53rd Annual Science Fair.

Cuiabá, Brazil — Health and nutrition experts worldwide are hailing the discovery in the Amazon Rainforest of a new species of parasitic worms that thrive on animal adipose tissue, saying they could potentially revolutionize the fight against obesity in humans.

Redmond, WA — A brand new computer virus called “God RuleZ” has started making its way through the Internet today, but Microsoft Corporation network security specialists say there is absolutely nothing to worry about.

Hygiene, CO — A group of astronomy enthusiasts in Colorado became the butt of jokes in the scientific community after laying claim to the discovery of a new galaxy that turned out to be pop singer Janet Jackson’s buttocks.