Cuiabá, Brazil — Health and nutrition experts worldwide are hailing the discovery in the Amazon Rainforest of a new species of parasitic worms that thrive on animal adipose tissue, saying they could potentially revolutionize the fight against obesity in humans.

Redmond, WA — A brand new computer virus called “God RuleZ” has started making its way through the Internet today, but Microsoft Corporation network security specialists say there is absolutely nothing to worry about.

Hygiene, CO — A group of astronomy enthusiasts in Colorado became the butt of jokes in the scientific community after laying claim to the discovery of a new galaxy that turned out to be pop singer Janet Jackson’s buttocks.