Kissing couple: Syria-bound?

Damascus, Syria — The couple photographed kissing during the hockey riots at Vancouver this week has been invited to restage their romantic smooch seen around the world at the ongoing pro-democracy protests in Syria.

Rafar Kayadh, one of many opposition leaders involved in the movement demanding regime change in Syria, said he was immediately inspired after seeing Scott Jones and Alexandra Thomas engaged in an intimate moment amidst the chaos and danger of the riots spurred on by the defeat suffered by the Vancouver Canucks at the hands of the Boston Bruins during the 2011 Stanley Cup final.

"I pitched the idea to other opposition leaders, and they all agreed it would bring great exposure to our cause to have these lovebirds lay scantily clad on the streets of Damascus and demonstrate their love for each other," said Kayadh.

The opposition leader said an email detailing the proposition and a preliminary logistical draft has already been sent to the couple, and they are hoping that they would get a positive response very shortly.

"Having these kissing kids in Damascus may just very well be the thing that helps us bring down Bashar Al-Assad once and for all," said Kayadh, who added that there are no plans to officially invite Richard Lam, the photographer who snapped the photograph of Jones and Thomas.

"We mean no offense to Mr. Lam. His work is good, but we'd rather have someone with a Syrian perspective handle the photography this time," Kayadh added.

Takanaka: Tragically hip

Chūō, Tokyo -- Police authorities have ruled as accidental the death of a 22-year-old hipster found in his apartment Thursday hanging from the top of a double-decker bed, suspended by an H&M scarf.

Atsuro Takanaka, who was a popular fixture in Tokyo social circles, was still in his club clothes when he was discovered by his roommate and best friend Takeshi Arabuto, also 22.

"I was really shocked when I saw him," said Arabuto. "At first I thought, 'Why did he kill himself?,' but it didn't make sense."

Arabuto said there had been no indication that Takanaka was depressed and suicidal. The two were out partying the night before. Arabuto said they both got "pretty wasted."

"He went home by himself while I went and hung out with another friend," said Arabuto.

Forensic examiner Furuta Funayama said the evidence suggested that while Takanaka was trying to get up to the top of the bunk bed, he had somehow gotten his H&M scarf tangled in the railings and fell off, causing his strangulation. He called the death tragic and "absolutely preventable."

"I could never stress this enough: never wear scarves to bed, especially when you're drunk out of your mind," said Funayama. "You just never know what would happen."

A protester kicks a police car

Toronto, ON -- Hundreds of Canadians bored with their dreary lives got a massive shot of adrenaline and excitement by deliberately getting themselves tangled in rallies aimed at destabilizing the G-20 Summit on Financial Markets and the World Economy held at the Metro Toronto Convention Centre over the weekend.

"I saw a police car burning up," said Jonny Marwood, 17. "That was wicked cool, man."

Marwood was referring to a string of incidents that occurred Friday as world leaders were arriving for the Summit. Protesters frustrated by the tight security surrounding the event decided to unleash their anger at businesses in the city's downtown core. Dozens of establishments, mostly banks and Starbucks coffee shops, were vandalized and looted, and several police cars were smashed and set on fire. The incidents quickly drew throngs of curious onlookers.

"As soon as I saw the riots on TV, I got down there fast as I can to get in on the action," said Regis McRae, 35. "It's either that, or afternoon Scrabble with Grandpa. It was a no-brainer for me."

For some, the rallies offered opportunities for instant YouTube fame.

"I wanted to do something crazy and put it on YouTube," said Graeme Covind, 16. "So me and my friend brought a video camera, and he filmed me kicking a mailbox." Covind said his G20 protest clip has already garnered thousands of views.

Unfortunately for some thrill seekers, rubbernecking at the protest rallies resulted in temporary detention, and in some worse cases, criminal charges. Imelda Scranton, 28, was part of a crowd of onlookers that got corraled in with hardcore protesters attempting one final act of defiance Sunday night near the city's Chinatown district. Police in full riot gear circled the group and held them immobilized for hours in the pouring rain.

Scranton, a part-time worker at a bowling alley, said she doesn't regret being in the wrong place at the wrong time. "It's definitely one of those experiences that you get to embellish and tell people about," she says. "It gives your life some sort of meaning and relevance. I can't wait to tell my grand kids about that night I got beat up by cops in the middle of a hurricane."

In a press conference Monday, Toronto police chief Bill Blair said he found it "regrettable that some innocent bystanders got caught in with the bad seeds."

"It wouldn't have come to this if people just stayed home instead of coming out to these things like it's Disneyland or something. You could have watched the protests on TV," Blair added.

The G20 Summit itself, which ended with a promise from all participating world leaders to cut their deficits in half by 2013, was largely ignored by the media for the most part. For instance, during the Summit's closing ceremony, CNN was running a story on Lady Gaga's bus driver instead.

Cruise passenger: "I'm suing Netanyahu"

Jerusalem -- Israel's tattered international image took another hit Tuesday after it dispatched heavily armed commandos to a marine vessel sailing too close to the Gaza Strip that turned out to be a cruise ship for seniors.

The early morning raid on the SS Gilded Lily startled sleeping passengers and caused cardiac dysrhythmia in dozens of seniors, but no one suffered any life-threatening condition, according to the ship's medical crew.

Cruise passenger Edna Stilliwack, 78, condemned the raid and vowed to "sue the pants off Benjamin Netanyahu" for putting her through the horrible experience.

"I thought we were being raided by brown pirates, and that I was going to be raped and then killed," said Stilliwack.

Eyewitness reports said the raiding commandos immediately disembarked from the ship after speaking with the navigation crew and redirecting the vessel's course away from Gaza.

The Israeli Navy shortly thereafter posted a notice on its website apologizing for the intrusion and wished everyone on board the SS Gilded Lily "a safe, happy vacation away from Gaza." Commander in chief Eli Marom said he has made arrangements for each vacationer on board the ship to receive a conciliatory gift package, which includes Metamucil products, Sun-Maid prunes and Depend adult diapers.

Israeli Foreign Affairs Minister Avigdor Lieberman praised the bloodless interception of the seniors cruise ship and implored the international community to reassess its opinion of Israel as a heartless aggressor.

"This incident clearly demonstrates our capacity for logic, reason, and compassion, and it is my hope that leaders of other nations will see this," said Lieberman. "We are not a violent nation."

Israel is still on damage control after its deadly raid on a flotilla attempting to deliver humanitarian aid to Palestinians in the Gaza Strip. International condemnation was swift and harsh as the Israeli government scrambled to explain how what was meant to be a simple takeover of a civilian vessel went so badly awry.

As of press time, it is not known whether or not the Israeli government will send conciliatory gift packages to the humanitarian activists who were part of the flotilla.

Long Mao Chiao: Optimistic

Beijing, China -- The Chinese production of the long-running worldwide hit comedy show "The Puppetry Of The Penis" has been canceled after only four performances.

China Construction Bank Corp. (CCBC), the production's chief underwriter, pulled the plug on funding after profit projections fell far short of expectations. Since its opening last week, the show had only averaged a paltry 1,700 yuan ($249 USD) per performance. The producers had hoped to rake in at least 500,000 yuan ($73,000 USD) per night.

"It is quite disappointing, but I suppose we should take this as a sign that the Chinese people are not ready for cock just yet. At least not Chinese cock anyway," said entrepreneur Li Kwang Ho, who brought the show to Beijing after seeing it 57 times in Australia and the United States of America.

Being roundly slammed by media critics across the board did not help the show either. The Beijing Ribao daily newspaper called the production "embarrasingly flaccid and thin on substance", while the Xinhua News Agency declared that "there's nothing to see here, move along."

People who have endured the show until curtain call have taken to the Internet with their own reviews. Some reports say that many audience members walked out within the first ten minutes of the show.

"As soon as the two stars, Long Mao Chiao and Kang Li Peng, disrobe, the excitement breaks for many people and they just leave," said blogger Chin-Mo Kuo, 25. "It is disheartening and sad. I feel for those two actors. They must feel terrible."

Xiaowao Kao, 27, believes that the show probably would have been more successful had they chosen actors more suitably equipped for the type of showmanship it demands.

"Let's be honest, the show thrives on penis tricks, and there just wasn't enough in this one. I mean, the best trick they could muster was the Mandarin Buffett Chicken Ball," said Kao.

Despite the career setback, Chiao, 44, remains optimistic. The actor said he is actively pursuing a part in the Chinese shadow play adaptation of John Carpenter's "Big Trouble In Little China."

"It's not as high profile as 'Puppetry' but it's still a decent job," Chiao said. "Like some wise man said, 'There are no small parts, only small actors.'"