Kiev, Ukraine — The city with the highest female-to-male ratio in the world is pioneering a disposal service for tampons in an effort to clean up its sewage system.

Nairobi, Kenya – Dozens of impoverished residents were injured Sunday in a mad stampede that broke out after a cheeseburger fell out of a female tourist’s purse in the village of Upak-Tumonra, 102 miles north of Nairobi.

Karachi, Pakistan — An explosion in Pakistan’s once-thriving goat beer distillery district is believed to have been caused by a clumsy Taliban suicide bomber who is “not all there.”

Winnipeg, MB — Less than a week after the Conservative Canadian government insensitively shipped them body bags to prepare for the oncoming swine flu pandemic, aboriginal communities in Manitoba found themselves at a loss for words yet again after receiving a crate of silicone butt plugs.

Boysack, Scotland — A local potato dealer successfully thwarted a clichéd metaphor when he prevented his young child from going into hysterics over a glass of spilled milk.