Winnipeg, MB — Less than a week after the Conservative Canadian government insensitively shipped them body bags to prepare for the oncoming swine flu pandemic, aboriginal communities in Manitoba found themselves at a loss for words yet again after receiving a crate of silicone butt plugs.

Boysack, Scotland — A local potato dealer successfully thwarted a clichéd metaphor when he prevented his young child from going into hysterics over a glass of spilled milk.

Monterrey, Mexico — Police are investigating allegations that an intense disagreement between rival cliques on an online Madonna message board has led to the genital disfigurement of a male fan hoping to become a full-fledged woman.

BANGKOK, Thailand — King Bhumibol Adulyadej has caused yet another fashion craze amongst his loyal subjects after being seen walking out of a health spa wearing a slightly oversized “Choose Life” t-shirt.

Jakarta, INDONESIA — Avid Anglophile and local tinsmith Dian Alatas Wulandari proudly marked the diamond wedding anniversary of reigning British monarch Queen Elizabeth II by affecting a British accent and wearing a Union Jack tanktop to work today.