Don’t invest in Lady Gaga, warns flop prognosticator
Manhattan, NY — Flop Avoidance Solutions (FAS), a Fortune 500 American consulting firm that specializes in identifying business risks and catastrophic investment opportunities, has strongly warned against getting into business with Lady Gaga or any business entity associated with her.
FAS President George Merrill issued the warning in the wake of recent reports that social network operator Backplane, started by the failed pop star during the fleeting apex of her fame in 2011, has liquidated all of its assets to new investors after failing to take off and make profit.
“Backplane is just the latest in a very long list of flop business ventures associated with Lady Gaga. It is an alarming pattern that investors should be very wary of,” says Merrill.
After such massive failures as her partnership with Polaroid and hundreds of millions of unsold bottles of her perfume line, Merrill said they can say with a very high degree of confidence that any potential business venture involving Lady Gaga will have a 99.7% failure rate.
“The numbers don’t lie. Lady Gaga is a damaged, discreditable brand that elicits negative consumer and market confidence. Anyone willingly going into business with her either has zero to little sound business knowledge or has been paid for the partnership,” Merrill said, alluding to a recent deal with Mattel which will see the production of “exclusive” Lady Gaga dolls to be marketed under the “Monster High” product line.
“In all honesty, I cannot imagine anyone at Mattel believing Lady Gaga dolls at this point in time will be a profitable venture. If anything, this is a vanity deal funded by Lady Gaga herself,” Merrill added. “The Mattel people aren’t stupid.”
Merrill has assured that neither he nor FAS is a Lady Gaga “hater” and that they are merely reporting business facts based on verifiable evidence.
“I quite enjoyed her first album, and I’m sure she’s a lovely human being, but as a smart investor, I would avoid her like the plague,” said Merrill.