Straight clubgoers pick ‘gays over guns’

Antwan White

White: straight, but parties with the gays

Toronto, ON — Antwan White is a handsome and athletic 23-year-old law student who loves the ladies and likes to go clubbing. He also likes to hang out at gay bars. And no, he is not a part-time male prostitute.

White is among a rapidly growing number of mostly black, young heterosexual males who are eschewing the usual watering holes of choice of heterosexual clubgoers in favor of venues largely catering to homosexuals. Their reason? Gun violence.

“It’s gotten really out of hand, man,” says White. “You can’t get your groove on anymore without getting shot at. It’s totally insane.”

“If you come to a gay bar dressed in last season’s Prada, or wearing mismatched colors, then expect deadly catty remarks fired your way. But other than that, you should expect an experience without bloodshed.”

White’s comments come in the wake of reports that three men have been shot inside Guvernment Nightclub, an entertainment venue in downtown Toronto popular among young heterosexuals. Last year, 36 people succumbed to injuries sustained in gun-related incidents in Toronto. At least 10 of those murder victims were clubgoers.

White said he started going to gay bars in the Fall of last year because he had “had enough of the stupid and senseless gun violence at heterosexual clubs.”

“The thing I enjoy the most about clubbing, besides groping hot girl booty, is not leaving the club in a body bag,” he says. “So I started hanging out at gay clubs with my gay friend Deon.”

According to statistics collected to date by the Toronto Gay Crime Watchers, other than pot shots at bad fashion choices, no other shots have ever been fired at gay venues in the city in the last twenty-five years. This supports the long-held belief that gays are among the most peaceful and nonviolent social strata, and gay venues among the safest places on the planet.

“If you come to a gay bar dressed in last season’s Prada, or wearing mismatched colors, then expect deadly catty remarks fired your way,” says the group’s spokesperson, RuShawn LeDonde. “But other than that, you should expect an experience without bloodshed.”

While there is a noticeable “lack of girl booty” at gay venues, White says he doesn’t mind and actually relishes the attention he gets from the gays.

“The gays are a hoot. They buy me drinks and tell me I’m pretty, and all I gotta do is let them touch my crotch sometimes, and I get to come home alive,” says White.

LeDonde said he is personally pleased that more and more heterosexual males are flocking to gay clubs for fun and frivolity, but warned these new haven-seeking patrons not to take the gays for granted or play with their hearts.

“We are a resilient and resourceful bunch, and when push comes to shove, we can be meaner than thugs with guns,” LeDonde added. “So you best be on your best behavior, boys.”

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