Mariah Carey set to star in Edmund Fitzgerald movie

Mariah CareySugar pop queen Mariah Carey has accepted the starring role in Rescue Me: The Story of Edmund Fitzgerald, a new cinematic retelling of the nautical disaster that claimed the lives of 29 sailors on November 10, 1975 on Lake Superior in Michigan, USA.

This was announced by Sony Music during a hastily-assembled press conference in Los Angeles, California, minutes after acclaimed director Paul Verhoeven (Showgirls, Basic Instinct) has signed on to direct the film.

The project, which will be bankrolled by Sony Music, was conceived by Mariah Carey herself, in the wake of the success of Titanic and its tremendous effect in furthering Celine Dion’s career. Insiders call it a “retaliatory move” to counter Dion’s pop invasion. Carey is apparently fuming over the fact that Dion’s latest album has outsold her Butterfly, and that she (Dion) got to sing an Oscar-winning song no less.

The film, which is reportedly being budgeted at $500 million, will be filmed entirely in the original disaster location in the fall. An exact replica of the ore-carrier will be constructed over the summer. Carey’s co-stars have yet to be announced. Sources say that Carey would give an arm and a leg to get Leonardo DiCaprio as her leading man.

The screenplay, to be written by Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, will focus on two fictitious stowaway teenagers (to be played by Carey and her leading man) who board the ill-fated ship to escape their parents. They meet in the boiler room, fall in love, and spend the rest of their time on board trying to hide from the crew. One of the many romantic scenes will have Miss Carey and her leading man at the bow of the ship, marvelling at the beauty of the Lake, with Mariah’s arms spread as though she is flying. Verhoeven is optimistic that this movie will fetch them more Oscars than Titanic did.

“I’ll see you all at the Oscars,” the noted director said at the press conference.

Aside from starring in the movie, Carey will also sing the entire soundtrack, to be written by Quincy Jones. Jones is thrilled by the project and the “many things he could do with Mariah’s voice.”

“I am just completely beside myself,” said Jones in a telephone conversation with bent*spud™. He plans to make Mariah sound like an entire symphony: clarinet, tuba, violins and all. He has already written some songs, including a non-instrumental track, called “I’ll Never Forget The Time We Spent On Edmund Fitzgerald.” The award-winning producer plans to begin recording the soundtrack in early summer.

Carey will also be going to the studio to record a duet with Cher. The collaboration will be released as a single to “tease” moviegoers.

Insiders have revealed that the duet was once again Carey’s idea, in reaction to the much-praised Celine Dion and Barbra Streisand duet, Tell Him. Apparently, the singer is a little hurt that Streisand chose to do a duet with the Canadian chanteuse instead of her. It was learned that Carey had been sending countless letters to Streisand, suggesting a collaboration. Streisand never responded.

“I would naturally be hurt,” said Linda Moroney, Sony’s Senior Vice-President for Music Development and a personal friend of Mariah’s. “It’s a slap in the face. Who in their right mind would pass up on Mariah Carey? We are talking about Mariah Carey here. Nobody can treat her like this.”

Carey chose to record a duet with Cher after going through a shortlist that included Dusty Springfield, Eartha Kitt and Rosemary Clooney.

“Mariah wanted someone who reflects her own character and personality. Cher was the hands-down choice. She’s beautiful, she’s smart and she’s Cher.”, said Moroney.

The two will be singing Cher’s late 80’s hit “If I Could Turn Back Time”. As with any Mariah record, the song will be modified to make sure that when Mariah sings it, people will immediately recognize how good she is, no matter how bad it would make Cher sound.

Mariah’s image specialists already have an idea for the video. They are thinking of remaking the original video in its entirety. Mariah will wear the same skimpy costume that Cher wore in the original, while Cher will dress up as one of the sailors. If approved, the specialists are certain that this will propel Miss Carey lightyears ahead of Miss Dion.

Sony intends to release the song in mid-1998. Complimentary copies will be sent to most everyone in the recording industry, except Celine Dion and Barbra Streisand.

Previous post

Michael Jackson sues publishers for refusing to print baby photos

Next post

An open and candid evening with the Spice Girls