Teen depletes college fund buying ‘gazillion’ copies of new Lady Gaga single

Lady Gaga: Buy multiple copies of my single so we can hang out!

Lady Gaga: Buy multiple copies of my single so we can hang out!

Dogtown, AL — A DeKalb County teen has exhausted more than half of his college trust fund – nearly $85,000 – from purchasing tens of thousands of copies of Lady Gaga’s new single, “Applause,” and pre-ordering thousands of copies of her new album, “ARTPOP.”

14-year-old Rowan Jamieson went on the shocking spending spree moments after Lady Gaga announced via Twitter a special contest in which fans who purchase multiple copies of her new single could win a chance to join her entourage during an upcoming promotional concert series in Europe.

“I thought he was kidding when he said he was gonna tap into his college fund to buy a gazillion copies of ‘Applause’ so that he could hang out with Mother Monster,” said Jamieson’s best friend Dylan Merwald, also 14. “And then he did it, and it was way cool. He bought like 30,000 copies of the single, and, like, 5,000 preorders of ARTPOP.”


John and Linda Jamieson, who had given their son full access to his trust fund to instill fiscal responsibility in him, were both devastated upon learning he had diverted monies from the fund into his credit card in order to finance the purchases.

“We trusted him to do the right thing with his money. I mean, sure, he had bought the odd pair of Louboutins here and there, but we didn’t expect him to do something as insane as this,” said John Jamieson. “We thought he was smarter than this.”

The couple had planned on sending their eldest child to Harvard for medical school, but those plans are now in serious doubt.

“At this point, Rowan may have to settle for an art diploma at the local community college,” said Linda Jamieson tearfully. “We had such high hopes for him. I wanted him to be a pediatrician someday.”

The family’s accountant, Leslie Burns, said he will dispute the legality of the purchases and attempt to get a full refund from iTunes, but admitted that “it will be an uphill battle.”

“Rowan made the purchases willingly, and iTunes made it boiler plate clear that all sales are final,” said Burns. “But we’ll see. Maybe compassionate hearts will prevail. Maybe Lady Gaga herself will refund the money. Hope springs eternal.”

The Jamiesons said that Rowan has “sequestered himself” to his room and refused to take phone calls or entertain visitors. His Twitter and Facebook accounts have been temporarily suspended.

“I think he’s pretty worked up about it after he realized what he did,” said Merwald. “And it sucks, like, big time, because it didn’t even help Lady Gaga hit No. 1 on iTunes.”

As of press time, Lady Gaga’s “Applause” remains stuck at No. 2 behind Katy Perry’s “Roar” on the US iTunes Top 100 Songs Chart. Her album, “ARTPOP,” has also failed to hit the top spot, blocked by Luke Bryan’s “Crash My Party.”

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