Heterosexual men fellated by gay men have lower prostate and testicular cancer risk, study says

Jones: “Foolish to be squeamish.”

Missoula, MT — Heterosexual men who are regularly fellated by homosexual men have a lower risk of developing prostate and testicular cancer, a research study has found.

The “Study On The General Health Benefits Of One-Way Gay Fellatio” was spearheaded by University of Montana Sexual & Liberal Studies research fellow Dr. Wendel Jones, and will be published in the upcoming Spring issue of the Men’s Journal Of Health & Gender. It was initially met with jeers and snickering when first proposed in 2005, but Jones persevered to get funding, and was finally able to get it off the ground a year later.

Conducted over a period of four years, the research involved 600 men aged 23 to 54 who exclusively identify as heterosexual and enjoy penetrative vaginal sex with women. They were divided into two groups: one received oral sex on a daily basis from a team of experienced homosexual men, while the other did not. At the end of the study, all 600 were screened for prostate and testicular cancer. Eight tested positive for prostate cancer; six for testicular. All fourteen were from the group that did not get serviced orally by gay men.

Biologists who have examined the findings believe it may have something to do with “innate body resonance” (IBR), which refers to the human body’s natural, ingrained inclination to react positively to external stimuli coming from another person of the same sex. In this case, the oral stimulation of a man’s genitals by another man results in a positive metabolic effect that is magnified intrinsically by the body and improves its chances of resisting prostate and testicular cancer development.

“Gay men often like to say that no one knows how to please a man better than another man,” said Dr. Gayle Darvill. “Well, it’s not just a pick-up line. It’s innate body resonance.”

Darvill added “it’s no surprise” that fewer gay men die of prostate or testicular cancer. “The gays have unknowingly stumbled on the secret to prostate and testicular health,” said Darvill.

“The evidence is just overwhelming and impossible to ignore,” added Jones, who identifies as heterosexual and also took part in the study. “If you’re a straight guy, getting sucked off by another guy is not as bad as it looks, and does not deserve the social stigma it presently carries.”

Jones said heterosexual men would be “foolish not to embrace” the experience of receiving oral sex from gay men for its proven health advantage, and warned that “now is not the time to be squeamish about one’s prostate and testicular health.”

“Gay men weren’t just put on this earth for their fashion flair, impeccable taste and creativity,” said Jones. “They’re cancer-fighting angels that need to be encouraged, celebrated and, above all, appreciated.”

The study did not look into how giving oral sex to heterosexual men affected the gay men who took part in the study, but it is generally believed that the experience left them with more than a mouthful of great memories.

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  • MichelleZB

    This is very amusing. This “innate body resonance” thing is a bit of a stretch, though. Was there a control group of men who received daily blowjobs from women?

    Still, a good time seems to be had by all in completing this study.

  • MrsPatrickCampbell

    This story is useless without full frontal nude photos of the ‘fellated’ hetro men!

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  • Cray

    Story is a fake. Nothing to see here, just a cute and funny joke for the friends. Go awn back home.

    University of Montana does not have a “Sexual & Liberal Studies dept.”
    This Wendel Jones does not exist.
    The men’s journal of health and gender does not exist. (There is a Journal of Mens Health and Gender, but that publishes monthly, not seasonally. There would be no “spring issue”)

    google any of this to check for yourself.

    What tipped me off that this was fake
    (actually wasn’t the sheer ridiculousness of it, there’ve been way more ridiculous premises for studies which actually have taken place.)

    *The article is being published in the Spring edition. No scientist makes a press release about a article, or plays it up in the press, so far before it’s actually published. It looks suspicious and also isn’t a smart career move (having press coverage right before publishing allows them to ride the momentum of interest in it at publishing time because more of the scientific community has it mind.)

    *The scientist was a participant in his own study. This would be STRONGLY frowned upon by any scientist in his right mind looking to get published. The sample bias, and apparent conflict of interest are way up there. Scientists only practice a procedure on themselves if it might be considered too experimental to try on humans, and then they perform it on themselves antecedent to collecting data.

    *The unprofessionalism/lack of jargon/media savvy the scientist would have to have had to give quotes like these. Scientists, in general, are not a very verbal crowd in the sense of casual discussion. It is difficult for a scientist who spends all day using hundreds of technical terms among colleagues, to exchange all those words in real time for a colloquially appreciable phrase. In a real science article, you can read into a lot of internal conflict about how to most accurately express something in casual terms in the quotes scientists give.

    I think this story is made up. I was skeptical from how over-the-top it was (no scientist who wants to get published would take part in their own study. There’s too much of a conflict of interest) . can’t find anything on the researcher, I can’t find anything on this

  • Joey Stieves

    I couldn’t agree more with Mrs Campbell.

  • craywithbrain

    I’m sorry guys. I lost my sense of humor when I was struck by lightning next to the park where the town’s gloryholes are.

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  • Tomorrow our husband will visit us and we will enjoy his large uncut sizemeat(over 8 inches on the tape measure) with massive low-hangers!

  • James

    I completely agree with Cray. This smacks of Onion-style journalism. It’s a hoot and a giggle, but there is nothing that “resonates” as true. First of all, if a straight man gets head from a gay guy every day for an extended period of time, he’s not straight any more, except in his cranium. Secondly, reputable scientists do not participate in a study with others. Thirdly, any article that ends with “more than a mouthful of memories,” destroys its credence completely. Finally, suggesting that straight men should get over their reluctance to get head from gay men, jeopardizing their primary relationships, is inane. Gay men are not a therapy; they are whole human beings with souls that do not deserve to be treated like servants and whores. Egad!

  • Wow. Im amaze by these info and research… Is thinking to whom will i get my daily dose of anti-cancer session from

  • Steve

    As a bonus for middle aged me, if you get the RIGHT gay guy to service you, they can suck that unsightly ear hair back in. You show me a straight woman that can do that!