Aaron Schock denies gay rumors, reveals engagement to Liza Minnelli

Aaron Schock by the pool U.S. Republican congressman Aaron Schock: “I’m not gay!”

U.S. Republican congressman Aaron Schock has once again struck down rumors regarding his sexual preference and announced Sunday that he is engaged to beloved singer-actress Liza Minnelli.

The announcement comes on the heels of a story that broke out on social media about Schock’s homosexual proclivities. The article appeared on Facebook over the weekend, and was written by journalist Itay Hod, a known homosexual.

In a statement released to the press, Schock fiercely shrugged off the gay rumors as “coming from liberals who have nothing better to do than attack Republicans who are opposed to the Obama administration’s socialist agenda,” and said that he is “pleased as punch” that he could finally tell the world about his deep and undying love for Liza Minnelli, and “not just because of her fabulous music.”

“I am in love with Liza Minnelli, and I am happy to announce that we are engaged to be married,” said Schock.

Sources close to Schock say the congressman, who represents Illinois’s 18th district and has been a stern opponent of gay marriage and equal rights, met the Oscar winner at a White House function last year, and the two have since been “inseparably, madly in love with each other.”

“It was love at first sight. The sparks were flying all over the place,” said Gary Bend, a close associate of Schock’s. “But they wanted to keep it a secret because they weren’t sure how people would react to the age difference.” Schock, who is 32, is 35 years Minnelli’s junior.

Liza Minnelli in a video still from the 80s

Liza Minnelli in a video still from the 80s

Bend said “all this ongoing sillyness about the gay thing” finally pushed Schock over the edge and made him come forward with his relationship with Liza. “A man can only take so much,” he added. The congressman reportedly proposed to Minnelli via Skype Saturday.

While no official wedding date has been set, Schock said he and Minnelli are already excitedly browsing through various bridal magazines for ideas.

“We obviously won’t get her dress in white, but we want to make sure it matches my skin tone,” said the congressman.

Minnelli could not be reached immediately for comment, but the singer’s friends say she is “beyond thrilled and over the rainbow with utter joy.”

“She called me in the middle of the night singing ‘Don’t Drop Bombs’ before telling me about her engagement,” said Roberta Weller. “I could almost see her doing high kicks on the phone.”

The marriage will be the first for Schock, and the fifth for Minnelli, who has previously been married to Peter Allen and David Gest.

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Yourself or someone like Rob Thomas, obviously.

He'd fuck her.
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