Trump appoints golf club office cleaner as Health Secretary
Bedminster, New Jersey — In a move further indicative of how he intends to lead and govern the United States, president-elect Donald Trump has appointed an office cleaner at his New Jersey golf club to lead his incoming administration’s Department of Health & Human Services.
46-year-old Rodrigo Elizalde, an immigrant from Venezuela, clinched the position after he walked into Trump’s office while the brash billionaire-turned-statesman was discussing potential candidates for the position with his closest advisers.
Seemingly unable to decide who to appoint, Trump saw Elizalde as he was emptying the garbage can and asked him if he wanted a new job. Startled, Elizalde smiled and said yes, according to Trump’s campaign manager Kellyanne Conway.
“To be honest, I’m not sure if Mr. Elizalde even knew what he agreed to on account of his English being not so great, but President Trump knows what he is doing. We simply just have to trust him,” said Conway.
Conway said Trump knew Elizalde for a long time and was always pleased with his ability to keep everything in the office spot-free and shiny.
In an official statement from Trump released to the press, the former host of “The Apprentice” said of the new Health Secretary appointee, “in the 10 years that he has worked for me cleaning my office and scrubbing my toilet, there was never a complaint about Mr. Elizalde’s work ethic and output. He always delivered and oftentimes exceeded the standards of cleanliness and sanitation that I have personally set. I am fully confident that he will be a great Secretary of Health And Human Services.”
When reached for comment, Elizalde said he is “honored to be given this great opportunity” and promised to work hard as Health Secretary to ensure the health and well-being of all Americans. Until his appointment is confirmed by the U.S. Senate, Elizalde said he intends to continue cleaning president-elect Trump’s golf club office.
“I am not ashamed of my work. A decent way to make a living should always be a source of pride for anyone,” Elizalde said.
Conway said Elizalde’s appointment as Health Secretary should “put to rest all talk of Trump’s racist tendencies.”
“It’s clear that Mr. Trump is not a racist. He just proved it by appointing a Latino immigrant office cleaner as a member of his Cabinet,” said Conway.