Melania Trump as First Lady to champion struggling Eastern European models looking for their own Donald Trump
Manhattan, New York — First Lady-in-waiting Melania Trump has promised to be the champion and the voice of struggling, hard up Eastern European models chasing the American dream and looking for their own Dotard Trump when her husband assumes office in the White House as the popular vote loser of the 2016 United States general election.
Speaking to reporters in front of Trump Tower, Slovenia’s No. 1 export to the U.S. said she will never forget where she came from and the hardships she’s had to face in her search for a better life in America.
“I know how it feels to be full of dreams and aspirations, and to have absolutely nothing to chase them with. I have experienced it first hand, and it’s not always a pretty life,” she said. “I am thankful for having found Donald, and I want to give back something in return for my good fortune.”
Toward this end, Mrs. Trump says she will establish the “Orange Love Initiative,” which will be a taxpayer-funded organization committed to creating and maintaining a safe network where Eastern European models such as herself back in the day could meet rich old Caucasian-American men looking for love.
“I want to dispel the widely held belief that we’re just in it for money, that we’re just gold-diggers. Nothing could be further from the truth,” said Mrs. Trump. “Real, beautiful Eastern European women like myself can in fact fall in love with rich old orange men like my husband.”
Responding to comments from Washington Post reporter Philip Rucker that her planned organization is nothing but a glorified, state-sponsored escort service, Mrs. Trump shot back, “Of course you will find something negative in this. Aren’t media organizations the same?”
Mrs. Trump initially announced that as First Lady she would focus on ending bullying on social media, but she has since withdrawn from that plan after looking at her husband’s Twitter feed.
Melania Trump will be the first First Lady in the history of the United States of America to have posed completely naked for a magazine spread, among others. It is just one of countless historic firsts in what many perceive to be the wholesale deterioration of American culture and politics into tastelessness, dishonor and indecency brought on by the election of Dotard Trump.