Prostitutes protest Donald Trump by refusing ‘pee-pee parties’

Donald Trump: No pee-pee party for him.

Washington, D.C. — If you’re in America looking for a prostitute to urinate on (or be urinated on by) for sexual pleasure, you’re out of luck.

Sex workers throughout the U.S. are refusing to engage in “pee-pee parties” with patrons to protest the election of Donald J. Trump.

The nationwide effort was launched during Trump’s inauguration week, and was spearheaded and coordinated by veteran D.C. prostitute Wendy Mitchell, 47.

Speaking to reporters outside her Bellevue apartment, Mitchell said she got the idea for the protest after learning about the “dirty dossier” that Russian intelligence had compiled on Trump, which revealed, among others, lurid details involving prostitutes hired by Trump to urinate on a Moscow hotel bed that had been slept on by President Barack Obama and his wife Michelle. Mitchell said she had been thinking of launching a civil action to protest Trump since his election victory in November but “couldn’t come up with something meaningful and relevant.”

“When I found out about what he did with those girls in Moscow, it was like a light bulb had turned on in my head,” said Mitchell. “That’s it, I said, that’s how we’ll express our anger and dissatisfaction.”

Mitchell said she immediately went to work on organizing the protest, texting and Snapchatting with fellow sex workers throughout the U.S. to iron out the details.

“The gist of it is that we will flat out refuse to participate if the johns demand anything involving urination, even if they have already paid,” said Mitchell. ” There are lots of other nasty things we can do instead.”

Sex workers who agreed to participate in the protest are expected to uphold the “prostitute honor system” and adhere to the plan. However, Mitchell said “realistically, we probably won’t see 100% adherence.”

“We’re not running a dictatorship here like Trump is. If a prostitute decides to break the pact and engage in water sports with their johns, that’s fine,” said Mitchell. “But deep down, it’s on them. I mean, what good is a prostitute without principles?”

The prostitutes’ “no pee-pee parties” protest is expected to continue tentatively until the end of the month, at which time Mitchell will revisit the matter to decide whether or not an extension is warranted.

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