U.S. House Speaker Paul Ryan lost testicles in P90X mishap, says source

U.S. House Speaker Paul Ryan: Literally has no balls

An unfortunate exercising accident has left U.S. House Speaker Paul Ryan literally without testicles, a source close to the politician has revealed.

The source, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said the Wisconsin congressman was in the middle of a plyometrics routine on his P90X regimen when the incident occurred in early 2016.

“He miscalculated a jump and ended up squishing his balls on one of the platforms,” said the source. “Doctors had no choice but to castrate because his testicles were so badly damaged.”

The bombshell revelation sheds new light on Ryan’s unprincipled stance on practically everything that is good and righteous, and why he has been acting more of a lap dog willing to turn a blind eye despite clear injustices happening right under his watch as Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives.

“A lot of people in the last couple of years have wrongfully criticized Paul Ryan for not having any balls,” said the source. “That’s because he literally has no balls anymore.”

Ryan, who turns 48 this month, is a fitness enthusiast and devoted follower of P90X, or Power 90 Extreme, a commercial home exercise regimen created by Tony Horton. He often makes time for his exercise early in the morning before going to Capitol Hill. He has privately expressed no interest in running for re-election in the 2018 mid-term elections.

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