New computer virus sends overly Christian emails

Redmond, WA — A brand new computer virus called “God RuleZ” has started making its way through the Internet today, but Microsoft Corporation network security specialists say there is absolutely nothing to worry about.

“It’s actually pretty harmless,” said Dacre Morten of the Microsoft Security Response Center (MSRC). “All it does is add the line ‘May the Lord Jesus Christ be with you today” in the beginning of your email messages and replaces or adds ‘God bless’ as your complimentary closing.”

Morten said they have already mobilized the appropriate teams to work on disabling the virus. However, recent budget cuts have placed it on lower priority than most security threats.

“People will just have to deal with the overly Christian emails for the time being,” said Morten. “There are other far more important matters at hand right now.”

Possibly created by a born-again Christian hacker in West Virginia, the virus focuses its attack primarily on Microsoft Exchange Server 2003. The MSRC was first alerted to its existence after a Redmond employee received an email from a relative who is devoutly Muslim.

“I immediately knew something was not right when I read Jamal’s email today,” said Abdul Mujadeen. “He is the last person on Earth you’d expect to say ‘Lord Jesus Christ’.”

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