High schoolers power miniature engine with ‘teen grease’

Teen grease: fuel of the future?

Houston, TX — A miniature internal combustion engine fueled by excess teenage facial oils has won the blue ribbon at Lamar High School’s 53rd Annual Science Fair.

The project, spearheaded by Grade 10 student Gregory Jussman, will be the school’s official entry at the Texas Regional Science Fair to be held later this year.

According to the project specifications, the facial oils were collected over a period of seven months. Teenaged volunteers, which included Jussman himself, took as few showers as possible and used cotton balls to clean their faces every night. The cotton balls were then gathered weekly and “squeezed” into a beaker. The group had managed to collect enough oil to keep the specially-modified miniature engine running for 4 minutes and 4 seconds, a feat unanimously applauded by fair organizers and school officials.

“Mr. Jussman’s project represents exactly the kind of forward thinking that our nation’s leaders should be doing right now,” said principal James McSwain. “We will not have fossil fuel forever, but we will always have our greasy youth. We need to start moving in this direction.”

International oil giant British Petroleum has reportedly already expressed interest in Jussman’s project and made arrangements to meet with the young inventor over the summer to discuss sponsorship possibilities.

At a post-fair press junket interview, Jussman, 15, said he got the idea for the project after endless hours of being mercilessly taunted by family and friends over his greasy skin and problem acne.

“Everyone’s been really mean to me about my greasy mug, so I said to myself, ‘I’m gonna show y’all what my acne can do,'” the teen said. “Look who’s laughing now?”

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