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Oscars introduce frontal nudity category After a decade of grief and recovery, nation remembers Mariah Carey’s ‘Glitter’ Legislation mandating ’round-the-clock’ shirtlessness for Maroon 5 singer introduced Lady Gaga is the new face of Xerox Vancouver riot kissers invited to Syrian protests
 
Oscars introduce frontal nudity category

Oscars introduce frontal nudity category

Beverly Hills, CA — Bowing to increased pressure from its members, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences (AMPAS) today announced the addition of a new awards category recognizing actors and actresses for their outstanding achievement in full frontal nudity on film.

Oscars introduce frontal nudity category
After a decade of grief and recovery, nation remembers Mariah Carey’s ‘Glitter’

After a decade of grief and recovery, nation remembers Mariah Carey’s ‘Glitter’

New York — Thousands gathered Sunday morning at former Tower Records stores around the United States to commemorate the 10th anniversary of the tragic release of Mariah Carey's catastrophic "Glitter" album.

After a decade of grief and recovery, nation remembers Mariah Carey’s ‘Glitter’
Legislation mandating ’round-the-clock’ shirtlessness for Maroon 5 singer introduced

Legislation mandating ’round-the-clock’ shirtlessness for Maroon 5 singer introduced

Washington, DC — U.S. Congressman Barney Frank has sponsored legislation making it mandatory for Maroon 5 lead singer Adam Levine to be shirtless at all times.

Legislation mandating ’round-the-clock’ shirtlessness for Maroon 5 singer introduced
Lady Gaga is the new face of Xerox

Lady Gaga is the new face of Xerox

Norwalk, CT — Pop singer Lady Gaga has signed a multi-year deal with the Xerox Company as its new Director of Brand Recognition.

Lady Gaga is the new face of Xerox
Vancouver riot kissers invited to Syrian protests

Vancouver riot kissers invited to Syrian protests

Damascus, Syria — The couple photographed kissing during the hockey riots at Vancouver this week has been invited to restage their romantic smooch seen around the world at the ongoing pro-democracy protests in Syria.

Vancouver riot kissers invited to Syrian protests

Recent headlines

God-mocking website missing, feared smitten

God-mocking website missing, feared smitten

Published on November 11, 2009

Vancouver, BC -- Popular atheistic website godsux.com, which regularly mocked and satirized the concept of a Divine Creator, has vanished from the Internet and is being feared smitten by the Almighty One Himself.

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Posted in LivingComments (1)

New computer virus sends overly Christian emails

New computer virus sends overly Christian emails

Published on November 8, 2009

Redmond, WA -- A brand new computer virus called "God RuleZ" has started making its way through the Internet today, but Microsoft Corporation network security specialists say there is absolutely nothing to worry about.

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Posted in Science & TechnologyComments (0)

Pedophiles to get makeovers in new reality show

Pedophiles to get makeovers in new reality show

Published on October 23, 2009

New York City, NY -- U.S. television network ABC has officially greenlit a new "Extreme Makeover" spin-off reality show that will transform accused and convicted pedophiles from scary undateable monsters into beautiful respectable swans.

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Posted in EntertainmentComments (0)

Lawmaker dares talk show host to wear frilly blouse

Lawmaker dares talk show host to wear frilly blouse

Published on October 21, 2009

Minneapolis – Saint Paul, MN -- The health care debate in the United States has taken an unusual twist today after Minnesota congresswoman Michelle Bachmann announced she would support President Barack Obama's reform initiative if liberal talk show host Rachel Maddow wears a frilly blouse.

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Posted in PoliticsComments (0)

Clumsy suicide bomber detonates at wrong location, kills no one

Clumsy suicide bomber detonates at wrong location, kills no one

Published on October 20, 2009

Karachi, Pakistan -- An explosion in Pakistan's once-thriving goat beer distillery district is believed to have been caused by a clumsy Taliban suicide bomber who is "not all there."

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Posted in WorldComments (0)

Hair tycoon wants balloon family for ‘hairstyling revolution’

Hair tycoon wants balloon family for ‘hairstyling revolution’

Published on October 19, 2009

London, England -- Whether or not it was a premeditated publicity stunt, the tale of the runaway helium balloon in Colorado seems to have worked out in favor of the besieged family at the center of it all.

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Posted in BusinessComments (0)

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  • # Papa John’s apologizes for receipt’s racial slur
    → Papa John’s Pizza fired a cashier at one of its New York restaurants and apologized to an Asian-American customer for a receipt that identified her as “lady chinky eyes.” (Lawwwd. I call muh friend a “big nappy headed hoe” but she dun fire muh azz.)
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  • # Man donates sperm to dozens of women met online, drawing fire from feds
    → Physicians and the federal government cited the case of a San Francisco Bay area man who has fathered 14 children as an example of the risks posed by the informal market for sperm donations, which doctors consider unsafe but some people call a civil liberties issue. (Summabody git muh this man’s numbah!)
  • # Where is the love in R&B music?
    → Listening to black music today is depressing. Songs on today’s urban radio playlists are drained of romance, tenderness and seduction. And it’s not just about the rise of hardcore hip-hop or rappers who denigrate women. (I’ll tell you whurr. Aretha Franklin ate it all.)

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