Kamloops, BC — Until recently, Merlyn Edwardson had been unable to have a bowel movement whenever anyone else was around, be it in a public washroom or his own home. He would rather hold back his urge to defecate than face the prospect of having someone else smell or, worse, hear his bowel movement.

Winnipeg, MB — Less than a week after the Conservative Canadian government insensitively shipped them body bags to prepare for the oncoming swine flu pandemic, aboriginal communities in Manitoba found themselves at a loss for words yet again after receiving a crate of silicone butt plugs.