Takanaka: Tragically hip

Chūō, Tokyo -- Police authorities have ruled as accidental the death of a 22-year-old hipster found in his apartment Thursday hanging from the top of a double-decker bed, suspended by an H&M scarf.

Atsuro Takanaka, who was a popular fixture in Tokyo social circles, was still in his club clothes when he was discovered by his roommate and best friend Takeshi Arabuto, also 22.

"I was really shocked when I saw him," said Arabuto. "At first I thought, 'Why did he kill himself?,' but it didn't make sense."

Arabuto said there had been no indication that Takanaka was depressed and suicidal. The two were out partying the night before. Arabuto said they both got "pretty wasted."

"He went home by himself while I went and hung out with another friend," said Arabuto.

Forensic examiner Furuta Funayama said the evidence suggested that while Takanaka was trying to get up to the top of the bunk bed, he had somehow gotten his H&M scarf tangled in the railings and fell off, causing his strangulation. He called the death tragic and "absolutely preventable."

"I could never stress this enough: never wear scarves to bed, especially when you're drunk out of your mind," said Funayama. "You just never know what would happen."

Bailey: A Prince fan, perhaps?

Piscataway, NJ -- An accountant who displayed no trace of grief or sadness during Michael Jackson's televised memorial service Tuesday has been ordered by his employer to submit to psychiatric evaluation immediately.

Terrance Bailey, 37, called the decision "completely ridiculous" and said he plans to file a harassment complaint with the New Jersey Human Rights Board.

"Just because I didn't participate in a nationwide grieving session for a pop singer doesn't mean I need to get checked in the head," Bailey said. "If there is anyone who needs to get evaluated, it's my boss."

Bailey said his entire department was given the afternoon off Tuesday, provided that they stayed and watched the entire memorial proceedings on TV in one of the company boardrooms. Everyone but Bailey welcomed the idea.

"He stuck out like a sore thumb. While everyone in the room was all tears, he was playing Solitaire on his laptop," said his co-worker Merena Gomez, 27. "He is inhuman, that man. I mean, Michael Jackson died. At least look sad or something."

Montgomery Frost, 56, said he stands by his decision to send Bailey to psychiatric evaluation, saying: "This company must know that its employees are fit to work here - mentally and physically. I cannot risk taking a chance, not after his cold hearted behavior during the memorial telecast. It is disturbing."

When asked what he thought of Michael Jackson's sudden death from cardiac arrest on June 25th, Bailey refused to comment. "That's a whole other can of living, moonwalking worms. I'm not touching that one with a 10-year-old hotdog," he said.

Michaels: greatest ice cream vendor ever

Pahrump, Nevada -- While the whole world mourned in unison for Michael Jackson, an ice cream vendor beloved by many in the community was being buried quietly in a simple ceremony, surrounded by those he knew and whose lives he touched.

The eerily named Jackson Michaels died Sunday at age 50 doing what he did best and had done all his life: entice kids with his drumsticks and frozen lollipops, and his seasonal Santa slurpees. He suffered a heart attack while driving his ice cream truck on his usual Sunday morning route west of the US 95.

Speaking at the brief memorial service held before his burial, the president of the Western Nevada Ice Cream Vendors League, Chance Gordon, hailed Michaels as "possibly the greatest ice cream vendor that ever lived."

"He broke down all the ice cream vending barriers with his kindness and compassionate nature, and in the process sold more ice cream than anyone else in the entire sector," said Gordon. "The industry will miss him very much."

In a surprise move, the late vendor's 12-year-old daughter Jasmine asked to speak to the assemblage and had everyone in tears with her heartfelt and heartbreaking speech.

"Ever since I was born, Papa has been the best dad you could ever imagine," she said, fighting back tears as relatives stroked her hair. "And I just want to say that I miss him so much."

Michaels leaves behind two sons and a daughter, and an estate estimated to be worth about $10,000.