Norwalk, CT — Pop singer Lady Gaga has signed a multi-year deal with the Xerox Company as its new Director of Brand Recognition.

Pandering clichés abound and will undoubtedly be gobbled up excitedly by her little monsters.

The final numbers aren’t in yet, but Lady Gaga has already officially declared her “Born This Way” CD as “the ultimate smash hit album of all time” since its release on May 23rd.

Cape May, NJ — The parents of a teenager who suffocated to death after copying Lady Gaga’s egg incubation stunt are considering a lawsuit against the singer for involuntary manslaughter.

San Francisco, CA — Contrary to what has been reported in the media, Lady Gaga’s gay and lesbian fans are “absolutely thrilled” by her decision to align with the conservative-leaning Target Corp. for exclusive distribution rights to a deluxe edition of her new album, Born This Way.