Norwalk, CT — Pop singer Lady Gaga has signed a multi-year deal with the Xerox Company as its new Director of Brand Recognition.

Chairman and CEO Ursula Burns made the exciting announcement today at a press conference flanked by dozens of female impersonators dressed up as the "Poker Face" and "Paparazzi" singer in her various many guises.

"Lady Gaga's bottomless talent provides the perfect synergy to what the Xerox Company has been traditionally known for through the years. She gracefully embodies the Xerox Company's primary strength," said Burns, who wouldn't confirm whether or not the singer was in attendance when a reporter asked.

Gesturing toward the drag queens surrounding her onstage during her speech, Burns smiled and simply said "With all these perfect copies of Lady Gaga, it's hard to tell, isn't it?"

Xerox's partnership with the pop singer is the latest effort to revitalize the iconic corporation famous for introducing xerographic office photocopying in 1959. In 2008, the company rebranded itself with a new wordmark and logo.

Lady Gaga will begin promotional appearances for the company immediately, with a print, TV, radio and Internet ad campaign blitz coming in the Fall.

Standout tracks:

Lady Gaga: Validate me

The final numbers aren't in yet, but Lady Gaga has already officially declared her "Born This Way" CD as "the ultimate smash hit album of all time" since its release on May 23rd.

In a telephone interview with Los Angeles radio station WKRZ 99.1, the "Poker Face" singer proudly gushed over the album's success, estimating its first week worldwide sales at 200 million copies.

"Like, I know the number is a little steep and all, but hear me out... The average regular price of a CD these days is $15, right? If you totaled the sales of all the copies sold at that price, divided it by 99 cents, and then added the resulting number to the total number of units I gave away at 99 cents, you would totally arrive at 200 million. You savvy?" Gaga explained to WKRZ DJ Darcy Moran.

"Um, I guess," a bewildered Moran replied.

The New York-based singer was referring to the outrageously discounted pricing of "Born This Way" at Amazon.com last week, which inflated the album's total sales in the United States by a great margin.

"So, like, this proves I'm totally the greatest artist in like, ever. That people will pay 99 cents for my album. Like, I should be in the Guinness Book or something. Go on, like, just say it to me already. Affirm me, validate me, come on..." the singer quipped before laughing and then bursting into a coughing spell that lasted for thirty seconds.

In the interview that lasted for ten minutes, Lady Gaga also talked about how she's already planning to top her achievement with her next album.

"I'm going to do a duets album with David Hasselhoff and Wayne Newton and sell it for 10 cents," she told Moran.

At the end of their conversation, the singer reminded all her fans who were listening that the album will be on sale again for 99 cents at Amazon.com this week, "so, like, get another copy or 92. Help me, my monsters. Validate me."

Lady Gaga: Weird teen killer?

Cape May, NJ -- The parents of a teenager who suffocated to death after copying Lady Gaga's egg incubation stunt are considering a lawsuit against the singer for involuntary manslaughter.

Chance Coleman, 14, died after the air-tight storage chest in which he placed himself accidentally locked up. The teen hadn't been seen or heard from since Thursday when he posted an update on his Facebook account telling all his friends that he was "off to incubate for three days like Gaga."

The teen was referring to the "Poker Face" singer's appearance on the Good Morning America show in which she claimed that she stayed inside a giant egg for three days, and the experience she had convinced her that "we all need to be inside a vessel for a three whole days." The pop singer was responding to a question about the specially-crafted contraption from which she emerged during last Sunday's Grammy Awards ceremony.

"Chance copies Gaga all the time, so I didn't think much of it when he announced his plan," said 15-year-old Jonas DiMateo, the teen's best friend. "I mean, he once braided his hair with used condoms and showed up at school wearing his dad's hockey tape as a shirt."

Coleman's lifeless body was discovered after friends showed up at his house the next day, wondering how his incubation went. His parents, Jim and Louise Coleman, had assumed he was out hanging out with his friends.

Cape May City Police Sgt. Dorotea DiMecci, who responded to the 911 call, said it's a sad day when the life of a young individual is cut so short, simply because of the "sheer stupidity of some people."

"Lady Gaga should know better than to spout off remarks like what she said on TV," said DiMecci. "She has some very impressionable fans."

Jim and Louise Coleman said that as soon as they put the tragic event behind them, they will "seriously consider legal action."

"If we didn't have Lady Gaga going on TV in an egg, our son would still be with us today," said the distraught couple. "To many people, Lady Gaga may be a pop idol, but to us, she is and will always be nothing but a weird teen killer."

Lady Gaga fan: Totally thrilled

San Francisco, CA -- Contrary to what has been reported in the media, Lady Gaga's gay and lesbian fans are "absolutely thrilled" by her decision to align with the conservative-leaning Target Corp. for exclusive distribution rights to a deluxe edition of her new album, Born This Way.

In a statement to the press, the San Francisco chapter of the Gays United for Love, Liberation, Life & Equality (GULLIBLE) shot down suggestions that the gay and lesbian population of the United States of America is up in arms over Lady Gaga's partnership with a corporation that has knowingly donated hundreds of thousands of dollars of reported money and possibly many millions more in unreported cash to American political groups with decidedly anti-gay agendas.

"That's just, like, so wrong and everything. We totally love this deal! Like, we get bonus tracks and remixes and stuff," said chapter president Bernard Munster, 18, while posting "Like, Born This Way is so wicked awesome!" to his Twitter account for the 67th time.

Munster stressed that Lady Gaga, more than any other artist in the history of music, truly cares about gay people, saying that "if she didn't, why the hell would she write a gay anthem for us to dance to?"

The first year Academy of Art University Fine Arts student and part-time Starbucks barista stared quizzically into the air when asked how he felt about the fact that by supporting an artist that works with people who support anti-gay ideals, he is perpetuating discrimination against homosexuals.

"Like, whatever," said Munster after a few minutes of doe-eyed silence. "Everyone needs to chill and just dance, mmmkay?"