The man who was filmed in a viral video being roughed up and dragged off an overbooked United flight has secured an advertising contract with American household consumer chemicals giant S.C. Johnson & Son.

Climax, MN — Longtime Accounts Receivable clerk Joyce Boyle shocked colleagues Friday after she insisted that invoice requests are “not AR.”

Boyle, 47, made the explosive claim in an email response to a coworker who had sent a request for an invoice to a general email address set up for the Accounts Receivable department of Abernathy Beauty Supplies, Inc., a small Minnesota firm distributing low-cost beauty products.

Manhattan, NY — Flop Avoidance Solutions (FAS), a Fortune 500 American consulting firm that specializes in identifying business risks and catastrophic investment opportunities, has strongly warned against getting into business with Lady Gaga or any business entity associated with her.

Seattle, WA — If you’re an Amazon.com customer, you could soon be getting your physical merchandise delivered to you by mule.

Beauty, KY — A Luddite barber shop owner has successfully kept his business firmly entrenched in the Early Middle Ages after thwarting an Instagram user’s attempt to photograph the barber’s pole installed outside his place of business.