How to bullshit your way through a business meeting knowing Jack Shit

Bored meeting attendeesEver gone to a business meeting knowing Jack Shit about the agenda? I went to one recently with little knowledge of the topics being discussed, and I’ve got to tell you, it’s the most uncomfortable feeling to be sitting amongst other professionals such as yourself and not be on the same page as they are.

But, being the technological/corporate strumpet that I am, I’ve quickly developed a way to work around my shortcomings and come out of the meeting feeling like I’ve actually contributed something.

Here are seven tips that would help you bullshit your way through a business meeting, eventhough you know Jack Shit about what’s being discussed:

1. Hold your chin a lot and cast a deep glance at the wall in front of you, as if you’re thinking about something really important. Corporate types like thinkers.

2. Dawdle on your notepad every couple of minutes. It not only gives the impression that you are a committed note-taker, but also provides a way to relieve minute amounts of work-related stress. I personally find it very soothing to draw sunflowers and little houses with people in them.

3. Listen to the discussion very closely. You don’t know much about the stuff they’re talking about, so this is in your best interest. Besides, you could interject and throw in whatever little knowledge you do know about the subject matter. However, caution must be exercised. See next tip for more.

4. Do not speak about the subject matter under discussion unless you could provide more than three meaningful sentences related to it.

5. Nod your head frequently, particularly when important points are being made. Every once in a while, verbalize your accordance by saying “That is so true.” or “I absolutely agree with you on that.”

6. Ask a heavy question or two, such as “Is there anything like this system out there right now?” or “When it boils down to it, is this essentially a case of X versus Y?” Whatever it is, make sure that your question could be answered quickly and would not require further discussion.

7. When asked for your opinion, always side with the biggest cheese in the group. They are getting paid the most so their opinions are usually well-respected and -received. Also, this ensures that if things do go wrong, the bigger fish will fry first before you.

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