Non-iPhone owner belittled at company gathering

Park Sum Bang.

Bang: I don’t need no iPhone

San Francisco, CA — A Silicon Valley comptroller is considering legal action against his co-workers after being teased about not owning an iPhone during a company gathering earlier this month.

Park Sum Bang, 37, said he was quietly enjoying the event, a monthly celebration of all employee birthdays and anniversaries, until it became known to everyone present that he is still using a Nokia 3310.

“They were all talking about how great their iPhones were and showing each other what cool applications they’d installed on them,” said Bang. “I became uncomfortable after I realized that everyone in the office, including the mail boy, had an iPhone.”

“I am smart. I don’t need a Steve Jobs gadget to help me navigate my life.”

Bang, who works for a factory that manufactures erotic computer accessories, said he started to make his quiet exit from the function when his Nokia rang and someone recognized the distinct ringtone.

Within moments, Bang said, “everyone descended upon me and started making fun of my outdated technology.”

“It was Grade 9 all over again,” Bang added.

The married father of two said he was too traumatized to concentrate on work and had to take the rest of the day off.

“When I came in to work the next morning, everyone started calling me 3310,” Bang said. “It’s really unsettling, and I have talked to my lawyer about possible legal action.”

When asked why he wouldn’t just “do as the Romans do” and buy an iPhone to get everyone off his back, Bang said, “my Nokia 3310 is working fine, and I have no intention to switch to the iPhone just because everyone else has it.”

“I don’t need to know what time it is in Germany, or what the temperature is going to be like, or how much to tip,” Bang remarked, in obvious reference to some of the more popular applications the iPhone can carry. “I am smart. I don’t need a Steve Jobs gadget to help me navigate my life.”

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