Hair tycoon wants balloon family for ‘hairstyling revolution’

RichardMayumiHeene

The Heenes: We’re gonna be hair models! Take that, media!

London, England — Whether or not it was a premeditated publicity stunt, the tale of the runaway helium balloon in Colorado seems to have worked out in favor of the besieged family at the center of it all.

English celebrity hair magnate John Frieda is reportedly very keen on hiring Richard Heene, his wife Mayumi and sons Falcon, Bradford and Ryo as models for a new hair design portfolio that insiders say will “revolutionize hair in the 21st century.”

“John is really enthralled by the Heene family’s hair,” said Morgan Greystone, a close associate of Frieda’s. “He’s already got all kinds of fabulous ideas. This whole thing is going to be massive.”

Greystone said Richard Heene’s bowl cut hairstyle is “nearly impeccable” as it is. “We’re just going to add some highlights to it and reintroduce it as the Mature Backstreet Boy Cut,” he added.

For Mayumi Heene, Greystone said they are planning a reinvention of the classic Nancy Kwan Cut.

“We figured it was time for the Kwan Cut to make its comeback, and what better conduit than Mayumi,” said Greystone. “We just have to do something about all that grease that’s weighing her hair down.”

The Heene boys are being considered for a “radical new look” for young boys based on Chinese Communist leader Mao Zedong’s hairstyle.

“No one’s really appropriated that look and John thinks now is a good time to get ahead of the curve, what with socialists running freely everywhere,” Greystone said.

Heene family lawyer and spokesperson David Lane said that Richard and Mayumi are “tickled pink by the thought of being hair models and can’t wait for the official offer from John Frieda.”

“It’s not a reality show dedicated to them, but at this point, they’ll take what they can get,” said Lane.

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