Michael Jackson sues publishers for refusing to print baby photos

Los Angeles, CA — Michael Jackson, the erstwhile King of Pop now demoted to overseas jesting, has filed a collective lawsuit against various print and Internet publishers for refusing to publish photographs showing him and son “Prince” in Hallmark “father-and-son” moments.

bent*spud™ was among the 100-plus publications named in the suit as “despicably heartless media entities” deliberately sabotaging his career by ignoring said photographs.

The photos were a part of a desperate publicity blitz launched in mid-1997 by Jackson’s recording company in a bid to polish up his tarnished image. They were picked up and run by large circulation magazines such as Life, People, and Time, but were largely ignored by the smaller presses, including bent*spud™.

Jackson is suing for “career damages” and is demanding a compensation of approximately $60 million. He has also asked the court to order the closure of the companies named in the suit until it is certain that there is no further threat to his career.

According to a spokesperson for Jackson, “these magazines have deliberately ignored the expensive photographs thus undermining his efforts to reintegrate into mainstream society and regain public acceptance.”

The court of Los Angeles has granted the singer’s injunction request, which has resulted in the closure of all the publications being sued. However, the case will not go into formal proceedings until all facts have been gathered and properly reviewed.

bent*spud™ was officially padlocked on December 10, 1997 by a representative of the District Attorney’s office accompanied by Bubbles, Michael Jackson’s pet monkey.

bent*spud™ publisher Thornton Mulchwegger immediately mobilized a legal team to reverse the ruling. However, snags in the appeals process forced the indefatigable Mulchwegger to settle out of court.

Negotiations for an out-of-court settlement were conducted throughout January, February and March. An agreement was reached on March 23. bent*spud™ lawyer Archimedes Tsoutsoupopolakos said they “tried to make it as painless as possible.”

In exchange for publishing privileges, bent*spud™ has agreed “to affirm Jackson’s heterosexuality every chance it could.” The injunction was supposed to have lasted until the end of November 1998, but Tsoutsoupopolakos was able to shorten it and allow an April publishing comeback for bent*spud™ by promising to send Mulchwegger’s thirteen-year-old nephew Clive Darling to the singer’s Neverland ranch at least once a month to play with his monkey.

“We hope your nephew likes monkeys,” one of Jackson’s lawyers told Bouth shortly after the agreement was finalized.

“We’re back in the game and that’s not because we caved in but because we knew how to play,” said Mulchwegger.

When asked whether he is concerned about his nephew’s safety, Mulchwegger replied, “Clive is a black-belter. He once drop-kicked me after I accidentally touched his bottom.”

Clive Darling’s first visit to Neverland has been scheduled next month.

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